Item #: SCP-2416
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: The current instance of SCP-2416 (now SCP-2416-21) is to be kept in a drug-induced coma at Site-59 and monitored for vital signs. If SCP-2416-21 dies for any reason, Mobile Task Force Omicron-8 "Send In The Clowns" is to be placed on high alert, and the replacement instance is to be apprehended and contained in the same manner as soon as possible.
Description: SCP-2416 refers to multiple instances of a 35-year-old Caucasian human male named Joseph Grunderson-Pike. Despite having unextraordinary brain activity and no history of neurological disorders, SCP-2416 displays diminished intellectual capacity and a high likelihood of getting into a lethal accident.
On 1/14/2006, SCP-2416-1, the original instance, was killed after walking onto an expressway in Chicago. This was not believed to have been suicide; shortly before it was struck by a speeding minivan, its last words were reportedly "Hey, this isn't State street!" SCP-2416-1 had funeral services, was cremated, and its death was reported in multiple Chicago newspapers.
On 3/15/2006, a living instance of SCP-2416, SCP-2416-2, was stabbed to death in Omaha after it tied a convicted murderer's shoelaces together for a prank. SCP-2416-2 was determined by law enforcement officials to be an outsider with no friends or relations in Omaha and was buried.
It is unknown how a new instance of SCP-2416 appears after the death of a previous instance. The latest instance always claims to have no recollection of having died at all, and has passed multiple polygraph tests while giving this testimony. The origin point of a "reincarnated" instance has never been successfully located, and all sightings of SCP-2416 instances have been after-the-fact.
Instance
Cause of Death
Comments
SCP-2416-3
Overconsumption of pepper sauce.
Witnesses report that SCP-2416-3 was attempting to become "the spiciest".
SCP-2416-4
Head split in half with a table saw.
Last words were reportedly "gimme a kiss".
SCP-2416-5
Mauled by a puma.
Had covered self in uncooked bacon in a zoo puma habitat on a dare.
SCP-2416-6
Rattlesnake bite.
Last words were reportedly "gimme a kiss".
SCP-2416-7
Slept in the center of a freeway.
Was "tired".
SCP-2416-8
[REDACTED]
The badgers suffered only minor injuries.
SCP-2416-9
Shot by Chilean anarchists.
Last words were reportedly "gimme a kiss".
SCP-2416-10
Subjected to voluntary human experimentation by Church of the Broken God scientists; ultimate cause of death was cranial hemorrhage.
Corpse was discovered by the Foundation in a raid on the CotBG compound; Dr. ███████ reported corpse's resemblance to an urban legend about a man who comes back from the dead.
SCP-2416-11
Attempted to climb the side of the Chrysler Building without proper equipment.
Reports of death confirmed anomalous properties; Dr. ███████ orders the capture of SCP-2416.
SCP-2416-12
Cocaine overdose.
Believed it would alleviate sinus congestion.
SCP-2416-13
Alcohol poisoning.
Believed it would "lubricate" a broken arm.
SCP-2416-14
Exsanguinated after shoving a foot into a blender.
Circumstances unknown.
SCP-2416-15
Shot by Site-59 security personnel for accessing a STURM-class infohazard.
This iteration was the first to come under Foundation custody.
SCP-2416-16
Choked on food rations at Site-59.
"Really liked" oatmeal.
SCP-2416-17
Head fracture from slamming own head on wall of its cell.
Was attempting to swat a fly.
SCP-2416-18
Climbed into Site-59 incinerator.
Was looking for a bathroom.
SCP-2416-19
Gained access to a lethal cognitohazard.
Was "just curious."
SCP-2416-20
Overdose of Acetaminophen at Site-59.
See below.
Interviewed: SCP-2416-20
Interviewer: Dr. Ichinose
<Begin Log>
Dr. Ichinose: Please state your name for the record, SCP-2416-20.
SCP-2416-20: Joe Grunderson-Pike. I got a quick question before we get started.
Dr. Ichinose: Yes?
SCP-2416-20: What did you say was the normal amount of those pills you gave me to take for a headache?
Dr. Ichinose: Two tablets.
SCP-2416-20: Wow. Yeah, that… That actually makes a lot more sense.
[SCP-2416-20, having consumed 203 tablets of extra-strength Tylenol from the Breach desk storage bin, falls unconscious]
Dr. Ichinose: Medic!
<End Log>
Closing Statement: SCP-2416-20 died shortly thereafter. SCP-2416-21 was later found wandering the streets of San Francisco and apprehended.