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SCP-4279

A Toast to my Finished Thesis

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Item #: SCP-4279

Level 3/4279

Object Class: Safe

Classified


SCP-4279 reassembly attempt 7, dated 2019/02/22.


Special Containment Procedures: SCP-4279 is kept disassembled in an anomalous item storage vault at the high-energy physics lab of Site-33. Alteration to a component of SCP-4279 before assembly requires approval from site command. Testing of a reassembled SCP-4279 must be conducted at an off-site explosives testing range and activated remotely. All items produced by SCP-4279 are to be contained and disposed of in accordance to standard procedures for radioactive waste.

Description: SCP-4279 is a device separated into 7 components, marked one through seven on attached documentation, with the following descriptions handwritten in Urdu:

  • Power Supply
  • Lead Ion Collider
  • Recombination Vessel (Mk. II: post-Iron metals)
  • Element Extruder (Mk. V: Hydrogen through Plutonium)
  • Molecular Assembler (Mk. III: Fizzier champagne)
  • Output Tray
  • Command Input

When assembled, SCP-4279 uses electrical power to generate and assemble matter into theoretically any molecular or atomic form based on pre-programmed designs, the coding language of which has been reverse engineered by Foundation programmers. Items created by SCP-4279, however, invariably produce high amounts of gamma, alpha, and neutron radiation, making them immediately lethal to nearby organic life and posing a lasting ecological threat to the nearby environment. Ongoing research of SCP-4279's components have yet to identify which are responsible for the radioactive side-effect.

Addendum 4279-1: Discovery

SCP-4279 was discovered on 2017/08/17 when embedded agents in the Pakistani government alerted the Foundation of an anomalous radiological disaster at a facility owned by Khan Research Laboratories in the city of Kahuta, Pakistan. MTF Unit Beta-7 ("Maz Hatters") dispatched a Curie-class drone remote-controlled via insulated wired connection upon measuring a constant radiation rate of 625 mSv/s at a distance of 1.4 km from the source.

The drone measured a radiation rate of 7220 mSv/s at a distance of 30m before making visual contact. The video feed identified a single, unopened bottle of champagne sitting on the output tray of SCP-4279 as the source. SCP-4279 was surrounded by multiple cadavers dressed in military uniform and one in a lab coat with a patch bearing the words: Dr. Tanzil Baqri, Research Lead. The bottle was contained within a concrete container with a lead-boron lining by remote-controlled drone.

Addendum 4279-2: Log of Created Items from Command Input

List of items recovered from the Command Input component's on-board memory translated from Urdu:

Date

Program name

Item created

2016/04/02

Water

160 g of gaseous oxygen, 20 g of gaseous hydrogen

2016/06/21

Rice

1 kg of rice starch

2016/09/29

Chick peas

50 g of pureed chick peas

2016/11/13

Water

180 g of liquid water

2016/12/14

Rice

1 kg of hulled rice

2017/02/28

Cup of water

180 g of liquid water in a 200 mL plastic cup

2017/03/01

Bottle of champagne

A 500 mL bottle of champagne

2017/03/01

Bottle of champagne (large)

A 1 liter bottle of champagne

2017/03/01

Untitled-2017-03-01

One latex condom

2017/03/02

Untitled-2017-03-02

One 500 g bar of dark chocolate

2017/04/11

I don't have to wait

A golden replica of the Nobel Prize in physics, dated 2017

2017/04/19

Helium-3

3 kg of 3He in a 500 mL steel canister

2017/05/15

Untitled-2017-05-15

20 100-mg pills of sertraline

2017/05/15

Bottle of scotch

One 750 mL bottle of single malt scotch whiskey

2017/05/29

For the historians

Golden bust of Dr. Tanzil Baqri

2017/05/30

Better idea

Platinum bust of Dr. Tanzil Baqri

2017/07/15

Untitled-2017-07-15

One 200 mg dose of Mifepristone

2017/07/28

Untitled-2017-07-28

A wooden placard reading "You Still Helped The World"

2017/07/28

Untitled-2017-03-02

One 500 g bar of dark chocolate

2017/07/28

Bottle of scotch

One 750 mL bottle of single malt scotch whiskey

2017/08/05

Untitled-2017-08-05

One 500 g container of concealer makeup

2017/08/15

Something nice for the generals

One silk dress interlaced with diamonds

2017/08/15

Bottle of champagne

One 500 mL bottle of champagne

2017/08/17

Bottle of champagne

One 500 mL bottle of champagne made entirely from unstable isotopes

Addendum 4279-3: Recovered Note

The following was discovered inside the Command Input component during initial disassembly at Site-33.

To Dr. Baqri,

I hope the champagne was fizzy enough this time. Enjoy it.

Aisha Osmani, (former) PhD candidate