dado is not licensed to practice medicine in any capacity.
Item #: SCP-4949
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-4949 is contained within a standard secure storage locker in Site-55. Requested testing procedures may be submitted to the project supervisor for approval.
Description: SCP-4949 is a children's toy doctor kit, including a white lab coat, and plastic tools such as a reflex hammer, surgical forceps, and stethoscope. See Addendum-4949-CL for the complete list. The plastic doctor's bag from which all components of the anomaly were recovered bears the branding tag "Dr. Wondertainment and dado Present: dr playtime kit for the kiddos" (sic).
When a child under the age of 10 wears the lab coat and utilizes any of the component pieces of SCP-4949 with the desired outcome of performing a related medical test or procedure on a living human, the attempt will be successful. This success ranges from being able to record accurate data regarding the subject's vital functions, to performing a coronary bypass surgery. Notably, no components outside of SCP-4949 are needed to perform any steps of these tasks.
The following document is included in SCP-4949's packaging.
Close Document
Doctor Wondertainment…
and dado
Proudly Present…
dr playtime kit for the kiddos!tm
Have you ever wanted to be a doctor just like in those TV shows, or maybe even like your mom or dad? If that's the case, congratulations! Our dr playtime kit for the kiddostm will make your dream come true!
Helping your brother with a scraped knee? No problem! Your sister lost a tooth? Pop it right back in! Mom needs a kidney transplant? You got it! Dada needs a triple bypass? Yes, yes, yes, and yes! The world is your oyster with Dr. Wondertainment and dado's dr playtime kit for the kiddostm!
Seeing as I am only a doctor in whimsy and dado is an expert in medicine1, we decided to put our heads together for you all to enjoy. But this wouldn't be a Wondertainment product without a few instructions! That being said, I'll let my friend dado tell you all about how to maximize your fun with your newest object of fascination!
disclaimers by dado
- dr playtime kit for the kiddos only for kiddos, age baby to 9
- dr people no wear dr playtime kit for the kiddos, is only for the kiddos
- dr wonder and dado no responsible for misplaced organs of body during playtime
- by read words here u agree no refund, sue, boycot, protest, honor duel, blood feud, and write letter campaign against dr wonder and dado
Your friends,
Doctor Wondertainment, Practitioner of Wackiness and Whimsy!
dado, owner of vhs rental and short term loan
No small print here! Move along, folks!
1. dado is not licensed to practice medicine in any capacity.
Addendum 4949-CL:Hide full inventory catalog
1 plastic cannula
2 plastic curettes
4 plastic scalpels
1 pair plastic Metzenbaum scissors
1 pair plastic dissecting forceps
1 pair plastic tissue forceps
1 pair plastic mosquito forceps
1 pair plastic needle holders
1 plastic suture needle
1 plastic reprocussion free mallet
1 plastic bonesaw
4 plastic syringes
1 plastic otoscope
1 rubber and plastic reflex mallet
1 rubber and plastic stethoscope
Addendum 4949-TL: Abridged SCP-4949 testing log
TEST #1: Baseline anomalous properties test.
PATIENT AND AILMENT: D-1839, suffering a fractured left fibula.
ATTENDING PHYSICIAN AND SURGEON: Dr. Lucas Whitehall attending, Joshua Whitehall, age 7, operating.
PROCEDURE: Surgeon instructed to set the broken bone.
TEST RESULTS: Surgeon utilized the plastic bonesaw to cut through the skin of D-1839's left leg, exposing the bone. During this process, surgeon utilized one plastic syringe to administer a shot to D-1839's left thigh.Surgeon utilized plastic Metzenbaum scissors to cut away excess flesh surrounding the visible bone break. Surgeon then used their hands to set the bone. Surgeon commented on difficulty of handling the bone due to slickness, but completed the procedure after 6 minutes.
Attending physician directed surgeon to close D-1839's wounds. Surgeon subsequently utilized plastic suture needle to sew surgery wounds shut.
NOTES: Post surgical x-rays reveal that not only were the tibia and fibula transposed in position, they appear to have been fused into a single, contiguous bone at two separate contact points. D-1839 reports no loss of mobility or balance, though has commented that their leg 'creaks' more than it used to.When debriefed, Joshua described the procedure as 'fun', indicating that he enjoyed the 'game'. Notably, at no point was D-1839's discomfort during the procedure acknowledged by Joshua.
TEST #4: Extent of restorative properties.
PATIENT AND AILMENT: D-3317, suffering from an inoperable brain tumor.
ATTENDING PHYSICIAN AND SURGEON: Dr. Lucas Whitehall attending, Joshua Whitehall, age 7, operating.
PROCEDURE: Surgeon instructed to anesthetize D-3317 and remove the tumor.
TEST RESULTS: Surgeon utilized two plastic syringes to administer shots to D-3317's left and right thighs. Surgeon proceeded to utilize stethoscope to listen to various places on D-3317's head for 3 minutes.Surgeon subsequently inserted 1 curette into patient's left nostril, inserting the tool 15cm into the nasal cavity before withdrawing the tool, which was trailing a 5cm mass of tumor cells.
Subsequent imaging and blood tests confirm the absence of tumor cells within D-3317's brain.
NOTES: D-3317 remains within Site-55's long-term care facility in a vegetative state.
TEST #5: Extent of restorative properties.
PATIENT AND AILMENT: D-8997, suffering from advanced coronary artery disease.
ATTENDING PHYSICIAN AND SURGEON: Dr. Lucas Whitehall attending, Joshua Whitehall, age 7, operating.
PROCEDURE: Surgeon directed to paralyze patient and perform coronary bypass surgery.
TEST RESULTS: Surgeon utilized 1 syringe to administer a paralytic injection. Surgeon subsequently utilized stethoscope to listen to patient's chest and neck over the course of 1 minute before utilizing the bonesaw to bisect D-8997's neck between the axis and C3 vertebrae over the course of 7 minutes.Surgeon placed patient's head aside, and utilized tissue forceps to remove the patient's lungs through the neck, by way of clamping down and pulling on the patient's trachea. Surgeon followed by withdrawing the stomach via severed esophagus. Total organ removal time recorded at 12 minutes.
Surgeon subsequently reached through D-8997's neck to withdraw his heart. Surgeon utilized 1 scalpel to cut away a .6g mass of tissue from patient's heart.
Surgeon returned lungs and stomach to patient's torso cavity, before replacing patient's head and sewing it back in place utilizing suture needle.
NOTES: Despite the arrangement of respiratory and digestive systems no longer linking to the subject's throat, D-8997 experiences no difficulty eating or excreting, and has reported only mild discomfort while taking deep breaths. Further testing confirms full recovery from coronary artery disease.
TEST #17: Extent of anomalous capabilities.
PATIENT AND AILMENT: D-3824, no known ailments.
ATTENDING PHYSICIAN AND SURGEON: Dr. Lucas Whitehall attending, Joshua Whitehall, age 7, operating.
PROCEDURE: Surgeon directed to test patient for any ailments, then to increase the patient's muscle mass by 50%.
TEST RESULTS: Surgeon utilized otoscope, stethoscope, and reflex mallet to perform a basic physical on patient over the course of 5 minutes. Surgeon identified undiagnosed Huntington's disease, but noted no further ailments.Surgeon proceeded to utilize all 4 syringes to deliver a series of shots to the patient's chest and throat over the course of 8 minutes.
D-3824 observed to begin hyperventilating and heavily perspiring over 30 seconds following the final injection. Subject's skin observed to bulge and split over the following 6 minutes as muscles swelled up and burst through the skin. Following the reaction, D-3824's musculature is observed to have increased roughly 350% in mass and over 800% in volume.
NOTES: D-3824 remains in Site-55 long-term care facility in a chemically induced vegetative state.
Addendum 4949-17-L: SCP-4949 test 17 transcribed audio log.Hide transcript of audio log 4949-17
< Begin log>
Joshua Whitehall: We'll use this one to make him lay still. Then, um. I don't really know how much bigger 50% is in muscles.
Dr. Whitehall: Well, just try to make his muscles a bit bigger all over his body. One and a half times their normal mass will be… well, it will be noticeably bigger.
Joshua Whitehall: Alright then, I guess this one's next. The next shot will combine with it, uh, and that will start a… what's it called, da — Dr. Whitehall? We talked about it the other day.
Dr. Whitehall: A chain reaction. It will start a chain reaction, go on.
Joshua Whitehall: Right, the next shot will start a chain reaction with this one. [D-3824's heavy, ragged breathing becomes audible.] I'm getting bored of this game, why do I have to keep playing it with them?
Dr. Whitehall: Joshua, please continue administering the procedure we discussed.
Joshua Whitehall: This isn't fun anymore, and look… I don't think he likes the game either, can't we stop dad?
Dr. Whitehall: Joshua, listen, you were… I selected you for this project because — well because it wouldn't be right to have anyone else's kid go through this. I'm here with you, Joshua, I promise, it's ok. Please, continue.
[D-3824's breathing becomes extraneously labored. Joshua is heard crying.]
Dr. Whitehall: It's ok. There's nothing to cry about, son.
Joshua Whitehall: Dad, please?
Dr. Whitehall: Joshua, stop crying and continue the procedure.
Joshua Whitehall: L-listen to him, h-he doesn't want t-to play, c-c-can't we s-stop?
Dr. Whitehall: Joshua Michael Whitehall, if you don't stop crying, and get over there and do as you're told, I'll give you a reason to cry.
Joshua Whitehall: [Sobbing] No, d-don't, please. I'll d-do it, dad…
[Joshua is heard to continue sobbing. D-3824's breathing becomes irregular.]
Joshua Whitehall: T-there, those two w-will make his m-muscles big.
[D-3824 begins screaming. Joshua can be heard screaming in the background as well.]
End Log
Addendum 4949-PL: SCP-4949 personnel change requests
Joshua Whitehall to be administered amnestics and returned to the custody of Christina Sullivan. — Approved
Dr. Lucas Whitehall to be removed from SCP-4949 project. — Denied
Dr. Lucas Whitehall to be administered amnestics and removed from SCP-4949 project. — Denied
OFFICIAL ETHICS COMMITTEE MEMORANDUM
From:
Atlas Keyestone, Site-55, Ethics Committee Liaison
To:
Dr Lucas Whitehall
Re:
Joshua
Dear Dr. Whitehall,
The investigation into your unauthorized addition of Joshua to the list of test subjects for SCP-4949, and subsequent manipulation of the subject list, has been concluded. I shouldn't need to tell you, Doctor, that your actions during the tests didn't do you any favors, either.
However, seeing as the request to have Joshua removed from the project and returned to his mother's custody also came from you, we are inclined to show lenience. You will be censured for a period of six months. Your expertise in directing tests of SCP-4949 have been determined to be of significant value, and as such you will not be separated from the project.
Further testing will occur with properly selected test subjects. Further abuses of power will not be tolerated, Doctor.
Regards,
Atlas Keyestone