Item #: SCP-8092
Level 1
Object Class: Neutralized
Declassified
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-8092 died of complications relating to its physiology on 7/15/24, at which point its containment procedures were immediately discontinued. Its body is to be incinerated in accordance with low-priority neutralization event protocols.
With the sole exception of its brain, SCP-8092 was considered normative for an adult human male. The majority of its containment procedures did not differ from default accommodations.
Dr. Allison Coen recorded a weekly incident log during SCP-8092's time in containment. SCP-8092 also provided its own weekly records unprompted. Both sets of notes have been attached.
Description: SCP-8092 was a clone of Greazeburger Earth CEO Martin Greaze (PoI-782), identifying itself under the name "Foxlot Greaze." SCP-8092's physiology was almost entirely human, save for its brain, which more closely resembled that of domestic sheep. It was nevertheless fully sapient.
SCP-8092's self-described purpose was to be a "standby clone" - a replacement body for deceased Greazeburger Earth employees, with its brain intended to be surgically replaced or altered. While Greazeburger's use of clones to replace employees is at this point well-documented, SCP-8092 is unique in that it was never used as planned.
Discovery: SCP-8092 was discovered in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania on 6/4/24, attempting to sell Greazeburger Earth stock holdings to passing civilians in exchange for ten cents (or, possibly, one hundred dollars.) The general population of Philadelphia appears to have mistaken it for a vagrant promoting some sort of esoteric multi-level marketing scheme, and as such it was almost entirely ignored for several months. SCP-8092 was only discovered by the Foundation when, by coincidence, it attempted to solicit investments from a staff member broadly familiar with Greazeburger Incorporated. The administration of amnestics to the public was deemed unnecessary.
It is not known what brought SCP-8092 to Earth. Dr. Coen has speculated that it was rejected by the company and dumped on Earth in a haphazard attempt to dispose of it.
Incident Records:
- 6/10/24
- 6/17/24
- 6/24/24
- 7/1/24
- 7/8/24
- 7/15/24
INCIDENT LOG 6/10/24
Subject: SCP-8092
Facilitator: Dr. Allison Coen
6/6/24: SCP-8092 has been formally brought into containment at Site-322. While it is clearly connected to Greazeburger Incorporated, it is not clear at this time exactly how. I have contacted Dr. Kensing, and he has agreed to visit Site-322 this week.
6/7/24: I interviewed SCP-8092 today. While it was able to describe its intended purpose as a "standby clone," and expressed loyalty to Greazeburger Earth and its goals, it was unable or unwilling to describe in detail exactly what those goals were. Its speech contained too many blatant falsehoods or non-sequiturs to be considered useful (describing the Foundation as a "competing corporation," insisting on referring to me as "colonel," arguing for over ten minutes that the "practice" of long division is a "woke myth," etc.)
6/8/24: Dr. Kensing arrived today and interviewed SCP-8092. It did not provide any new information and attempted to bite Dr. Kensing multiple times.
6/9/24: Medical testing has revealed SCP-8092's unique mental physiology, as well as its approximate age. It is somewhere approaching forty years old, and does not seem to have been cloned fully-formed as an adult. This implies that Greazeburger Incorporated's access to cloning technology may be more limited than previously thought, and might not necessarily exceed the Foundation's.
6/10/24: SCP-8092 requested red construction paper and writing implements be brought to its cell. This request was approved; within an hour, SCP-8092 provided a written report, asking for it be sent directly to Martin Greaze. SCP-8092's natural handwriting is identical to the font "Playfair Display." Dr. Kensing and I cannot agree on whether this qualifies as an anomalous property.
COMPANY REPORT
JUNE 10ND 2024
bY FOXLOT
HA!
These government clowns think they can scrutinize Fresh Company Secrets™ outta my mind tissues! I say again, HA! I say it twice, HA HA!
It has been Seven martawful MONTHS since my deployment on Earth, the new hit planet on Everyone's lips, and although I have yet to understand what I am meant to Do here, I have been delivered into the DEVILISH HALLS of a COMPETING ORGAN! Yes, I have discovered a "FOUNDATION!" A charity, perhaps?
disgustful.
but Here, here is the FUNNY PART, dearest Martin! They brought me into their LOVING EMPLOY like a MOTH to a PANT. They wined me They dined me They confined me and they Studied my interior vitals like it was a HOT CRISP DATE!
And they think - get this - they think there's something useful in my head™! I am a cLONE. I am a hot and wet skin suit, pain and torture resistant, extra flammable for easy disposal, and as empty in the head as biologically possible, guarunteed by Greazeburger Legal™! And I'm the sap they have strapped to the interrogation chair! A LITERAL NOBODY!
HA hA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA Ha HA Ha HA HA HA ha HA HA HA HA hA HA HA HA HA HA HA Ha HA HA Ha HA HA HA ha HA HA HA HA hA HA HA HA HA HA HA Ha HA HA HA HA HA hA HA HA HA HA HA Ha HA HA HA HA ha HA HA HA HA hA HA HA HA HA HA HA Ha HA HA Ha HA HA HA ha HA HA HA HA hA HA
Oh Martin, you'll be giddy! And when you come back to get me, I'll be rewarded! My body will go to an excecutive! And not just a pencil-pusher either, a real top dog, maybe you, Martin! And then you'll buy out this SLOSHING WET DROOL PUDDLE OF A PLANET and turn it into mMICROWAVE-READY PLANET NUGGETS®!
With love,
Foxlot Greaze
Standby Clone, Greazeburger Earth
INCIDENT LOG 6/17/24
Subject: SCP-8092
Facilitator: Dr. Allison Coen
6/11/24: SCP-8092 was verbally aggressive to Foundation staff throughout the day, but did not resist containment. Interviews have been placed on indefinite hiatus in lieu of allowing SCP-8092 to continue writing its "company reports." These documents will be archived and attached to its weekly incident logs.
6/12/24: SCP-8092 reacted extremely positively to the turkey sandwiches served for lunch today at the containment hall cafeteria. Turkey sandwiches may be useful as a potential reward for good behavior in the future. On an unrelated note, SCP-8092 complained of mild headaches throughout the afternoon.
6/13/24: SCP-8092 was found repeatedly slapping the wall of its containment cell, occasionally pausing to rest and kiss its own hand. When asked what it was doing, it responded "escaping" - while this technically is SCP-8092's first documented escape attempt, it is far enough from being viable to not be a cause for concern.
6/14/24: At 8:41 P.M., SCP-8092 began screaming from within its cell. Fearing a medical emergency, a physician was called to its cell immediately, but no issue could be diagnosed. After an hour had passed, SCP-8092 ceased screaming, and calmly explained that it was "practicing."
6/15/24: SCP-8092 found a dime on the floor of the containment hall while being escorted to the cafeteria for lunch. It proceeded to attempt to bribe two armed guards into releasing it. When that failed, it then attempted to bribe them into providing it a turkey sandwich. It was not given a turkey sandwich.
6/16/24: SCP-8092 requested to discuss "business matters" with Dr. Kensing specifically. Dr. Kensing was flown back to Site-322 for an impromptu interview, during which SCP-8092 did not speak and once again attempted to bite him. SCP-8092 is no longer to be given interviews upon its own request.
6/17/24: SCP-8092 once again complained of a mild headache, and did not eat much throughout the day. Behavior was otherwise normal.
COMPANY REPORT
JUNE 17rd 2024
BY _F_OXLOT
This so-called "Doctor" Kensing and so-called "Colonel" Coen are PHONY SCAM ARTIST PAKE FAID SHILLBRAINS who wouldn't know Family if it PLUGGED THEIR BREATH HOLES WITH QUICK-DRYING GUMS and SPAT IN THEIR EYES (note: Upon my eventual rescue, you should plug their breath holes with quick-drying gums and spit in their eyes)
They call themselves "Researchers!" but they don't even accept BRIBES? Unsubordination! A scandal, it is! I should report them to the highest authority — YOU! AND IN FACT JUST DID! I am such a good boy.
My recent Shameful Employment at the The Foundation corporation has fallen into a drearlerious routine: I sleep, I wake, I yell at a doctorman, I "eat" "food" (they don't even have Translucent Nutrient Paste at this establishment! What kind of clonehouse are they RUNNING!?) and then I sleep again. And yet in such a minimalistastic environment, dearest Martin, I must admit I have still failed to identify why you have sent me to here! I KNOW it must be for a Reason! There is some way I am meant to please Your high bottom line, during my terrible stay at this terrible place! I just can't seem to SNIFF IT!
The food is good, I shall give them that much! And the doctormans are nice even when I yell at them or Bite and Attacks them! And this "bed" item they have given me for sleep is much more restful than the old Plastic Relaxation Pod™! (We should steal its patent)
Neverthemind, my loyalty remands stead-fast to YOU! I musn't doubt, and I musn't stray! YOU and YOU ALONE are my Creator and Truest Employer, O Martin! And I willn't forget the mission you have sent me on, as soon as I figure out what it is!!!
Thinking of You,
Foxlot Greaze
Standby Clone, Greazeburger Earth
INCIDENT LOG 6/24/24
Subject: SCP-8092
Facilitator: Dr. Allison Coen
6/18/24: SCP-8092 once again attempted to escape the facility, this time by climbing out a "window" - said "window" was, in actuality, the bedframe in its cell, which it "discovered" while its mattress was being cleaned. Personnel had to disassemble the bedframe in order to free SCP-8092 after it had gotten stuck between the boards.
6/19/24: SCP-8092 once again requested to speak with Dr. Kensing. Request was denied.
6/20/24: SCP-8092 began uncontrollably sobbing at 5:30 A.M., and did not at any point in the day cease for longer than an hour. It was unable to describe exactly what had caused it such distress in any words other than "the guilt." Extra personnel are recommended to attend to SCP-8092's containment until we can determine what exactly it feels "guilty" of.
6/21/24: SCP-8092 continued sobbing throughout the day, and remained unable to describe why. No major incidents at Site-322 have been reported for the past two days. Whatever SCP-8092 feels guilty for, we have been so far unable to find any impact.
6/22/24: Dr. Kensing visited Site-322 today in part to log SCP-8092's recent unusual behavior. SCP-8092, still while sobbing, attempted to bite him. Dr. Kensing has made it clear he no longer intends to be personally involved with SCP-8092.
6/23/24: SCP-8092 agreed to cease crying in exchange for a turkey sandwich, although it struggled in doing so. SCP-8092 would not agree to cease attempting to bite people. Once calmed, SCP-8092 was finally able to describe the root of its guilt: it had a dream the night of 6/20, and believes this dream to be a slight on Greazeburger Incorporated. Additional personnel have been dismissed, and SCP-8092's containment is once again to be considered fully stable.
6/24/24: SCP-8092, while still clearly under emotional distress, has largely returned to its normative pattern of behavior.
COMPANY REPORT
24 JUNETH 2024
BY FoXLoT
Oh, MARTIN! ALMIGHTY MART, THE BIG CHEESE, LEND to me your forgiveness with compound interest! Have MERCY on me, although I have Slighted your name and your Holy Greed! I CONFESS! I CONFESS TO IT ALL!
On the night of June of Number-Day Twenty, year 2-0-2-4, I engaged in UNWHOLESOME RECREATION ON COMPANY TIME! Yes, I had a dream! A DREAM that night, Martin! I swear I did not mean to! I swear I will not dream again! My mind is plastic and malleable , even still, I promise to you! I am a Good Clone!
In my dream, I was back once again at Greazeburger Incubation Office and Nursery, returned to when I was young, but my body was grown as it is now. The Man Whose Face is On The Benjamin Coin, whose name I do not know, was sitting in a rocking chair staring at me. He asked me if I wanted to see something amazing!
I promise you, Martin, I said the Correct thing! I told him, to take my own sightseeing vacation would waste company resources! I am finally at maturity, and that means I can be Very Useful™! But when I said this, he only laughed at me! He laughed and laughed, and Benjamin coins spilled out of his mouth! They rattled on the floor as he took my hand and whisked me away to a SIN MUSEUM! Once inside, I saw that which he declared "amazing" naught but one paragraph ago: the "MENDELL SHUTTLE."
A historic landmark! A bastion of space exploration! It looked like a kind of small refrigerator, but I knew in my heart that it was a SPACED SHIP, that it had traveled the stars and seen SIGHTS UNKNOWN! And I admit, dear Martin, I felt humbled in its most tempting presence, as though rnnnnnnnnnn as though as though as though ANYTHING could rival YOUR GRACE ANd BEAUTY!
There was also going to be a LOVELY DOVE SANCTUARY DISPLAY, or so the Man on the Benjamin Coin explained to me, but it was CANNED and the doves were CANNED because nothing could possibly follow up the GLORY AND COSMIC WONDER OF THE MENDELL SHUTTLE.
He then took me to a meet and greet with SANTA! Santa was another identical refrigerator, but smaller and red and wearing a tiny santa hat. I sat in the fridge's lap and made out with it vigorously. Then I awoke, nearly DROWNED in my own sweats, heart pounding and head pulsing with a headache unlike any I have ever felt before. I SWEAR TO YOU, I SWEAR I SHAN'T DARE TO DREAM AGAIN! THE MENDELL SHUTTLE MEANS NOTHING TO ME!
Yours, forever and always,
Foxlot Greaze
Standby Clone, Greazeburger Earth
INCIDENT LOG 7/1/24
Subject: SCP-8092
Facilitator: Dr. Allison Coen
6/25/24: SCP-8092 appears to have entirely returned to its normative pattern of behavior, even asking to see Dr. Kensing again. Request was denied.
6/26/24: No notable behaviors observed.
6/27/24: SCP-8092 apologized to me this morning for "behavior unbecoming of an employee," and although I am unsure which behaviors specifically it is apologizing for, I accepted the apology and SCP-8092 reacted positively. Its behavior following this has been unusually cooperative, with it acting politely to personnel and even voluntarily returning to its own cell after lunch.
6/28/24: SCP-8092 has continued its improved behavior. When asked what the cause for its shift in attitude was, it responded that it was an "inside man," and was "gonna build up all the trust funds so [Martin] can come on in and [unintelligible.]" It appears extremely unlikely that PoI-782 will ever actually attempt to retrieve SCP-8092.
6/29/24: SCP-8092 asked a security guard what Site-322's "weak spots" were, but did not press the issue when it was refused an answer.
6/30/24: SCP-8092 asked the same security guard what Site-322's "favorite color" was, and the guard, apparently thrown off by the question, responded "yellow." SCP-8092 did not react aggressively, but also refused to speak to that particular guard for the remainder of the day.
7/1/24: No notable behaviors observed.
COMPANY REPORT
JULY 1TH 2024
BY FºxlOT
GENIUS! GENIUS AND GOOD NEWS!
For weeks of Four Times now, I have been LOST in this desolate box, calling for answers, stained with tears! My mission to Earth had begun to feel more like an exile, if you Martin can believe such a thing! For nearly a second I believed - I almost believed - that there may not even BE maybe a mission perhaps at all! A blasphemy I can now laugh aside!
I have made crucial errors in my quest, O Martin. I confess, I spent months wandering the Earth streets, preaching your name to passers-by and attempting to sell your Stock for Fresh Benjamin Coin. Even after I was delivered to sub-employment at this Foundation foundation, I felt lost and adrift, even going so far as to dare to dream! But now. NOW. NOW. I finally at LONGEST LASTS understand why I've been brought to this Festering Rot Lump of a planet!!!
This "Foundation" is a corporate ENEMY, slanderizing the name of Martyboy Almighty and hoarding his property (me) all forthemelves! Therefore, I am here on a kind of Reconnaissance Mission! BRILLIANT! Yes, A BIG SMART PLOT NOW UNFOLDS! MUSN'T STRAY MUSN'T DOUBT MUSN'T DELAY ANOTHER MICROMINUTE!!!
I will learn all there is to know about this Foundation! I will learn the way they talk, the way they piss, the way they inhale every three seconds and exhale on the offbeat. I will study their means and methods and learn COPYRIGHTED TRADE SECRETS!!! and upon my rescue, my LOVING FAMILY will SCOOP OUT MY BRAIN and EXTRACT WHAT I HAVE LEARNED before they GRIND IT TO TALCUM POWDER.
HIP HIP YIPPEE
With love,
Foxlot Greaze
Standby Clone, Greazeburger Earth
INCIDENT LOG 7/8/24
Subject: SCP-8092
Facilitator: Dr. Allison Coen
7/2/24: Throughout the day, SCP-8092 attempted to "interrogate" Foundation personnel by shouting questions whenever approached. Questions were irrelevant (such as "what is the best Earth movie,") unanswerable (such as "what time of day was the Foundation founded,") or, most commonly, entirely meaningless (such as "does the Foundation have fewer or better trade secrets than it has me?")
7/3/24: SCP-8092 stole a roll of toilet paper from the containment hall restroom and spent seven hours in its cell attempting to "decode" what it called "high-priority company documents."
7/4/24: SCP-8092 spent the entire day counting the individual bricks and light fixtures in each wall of every room it had access to, then attempting to memorize the numbers. Late into the day it asked me to give it a "practice exam," and became especially aggravated when one was not provided.
7/5/24: SCP-8092 demanded to know where its "commemorative decorative paycheck" was for its "time spent working as a full-time incarcerogen." When informed that it was under containment, not employment, and that it would not be receiving a paycheck, SCP-8092 showed signs of extreme distress.
7/6/24: SCP-8092 once again attempted to "interrogate" personnel, although this time, its questions were entirely focused on itself. SCP-8092 asked, among other things, "how many organs do I have," "could I acquire additional organs," "why am I named Foxlot," and "am I able to sing or perhaps dance?" It asked the question "what do you call something that thinks but isn't an employee" multiple times. After its "interrogations," it complained of severe headaches and spent the remainder of the day in bed.
7/7/24: SCP-8092 continued to show signs of distress and discontentment, but did not resist or behave aggressively to Foundation personnel.
7/8/24: SCP-8092 requested a turkey sandwich, and indicated that, if it were not provided one, it would soon resume sobbing. Request was approved.
COMPANY REPORT
EIGHTH JULY 2024
BY a foxlot
I COME BEARING INFORMATION!
The North and Westmost walls of my Containment cell each contain 466 bricks of unpainted rock, likely some form of INDEDIBLE CEMENT COMPOUND! The East wall contains 465, and the South wall contains 443! In addition, the best Earth movie is either Brazil or The Nightmare Before Christmas. We should open business relations with Both films, just to be safe.
I also learned that the Foundation is comprised of CHEATING SCUMBAGS!!! It has been almost a Full Calendar Year since my arrival on this devilish globe, and yet! My annual Commemorative Decorative Paycheck has NOT arrived! I know! I know it is because these so-called "Doctors" and their so-called "Doctorfriends" are HOARDING it from me! They STOLE me from the streets of Earth and STOLE my paycheck just to rub Infective Powders in my wounds!
ADDITIONALLY, they have attempted to dupe me, to pull wool over my eyes, and claim that I am NOT under their employ, even though they house me and feed me and yell at me and tell me I can never leave! What do you call that, except CORPORATE FAMILY?
And what would I even be, if not an employee? What do you even call that? An "un-employed form"? What would I even be?
What would I even be?
What would I even be, Martin? ANSWER NOW PLEASE. I'VE BEEN GIVIN YOU ALL MY HEADBEANS AND YOU HAVEN'T BEEN SAUCIN THEM UP RIGHT FOR ME okay!!!!!!!!! OKAY OW I'LL STOP I'M SORRY. YOU'RE RIGHT. YOU'RE RIGHT YOU'VE GIVEN ME QUITE ENOUGH MR. BOSSMAN
I WILL NOT FORGET WHO I BELONG TO!
- Foxlot
INCIDENT LOG 7/15/24
Subject: SCP-8092
Facilitator: Dr. Allison Coen
7/9/24: SCP-8092 complained of mild headaches throughout the day and resisted being escorted out of its cell for lunch and dinner. It was caught attempting to dispose of its meals by hiding them under a table rather than eating them.
7/10/24: SCP-8092, while still fairly cooperative, is showing signs of depression and/or anxiety. It is beginning to act distressed when removed from its cell and has skipped meals for multiple days in a row now.
7/11/24: SCP-8092 attempted to rally several other contained humanoid entities into "ritualistic prayer" to "our great and powerful Martin" during dinner. While no other entities joined SCP-8092 in prayer, and there is no indication that PoI-782 possesses the ability to respond to prayer, armed guards were still forced to restrain SCP-8092 and force it to desist. SCP-8092 has been formally reprimanded.
7/12/24: SCP-8092 refused to leave its cell even under the threat of armed guards. Its meals were delivered to its cell today instead, but remained uneaten.
7/13/24: SCP-8092 once again refused to leave its cell, but ate part of its lunch from yesterday. It has been complaining of severe headaches.
7/14/24: SCP-8092 is refusing to eat, leave its cell, or speak to personnel.
7/15/24: SCP-8092 refused an offer of a turkey sandwich.
COMPANY REPORT
JULY 15 2024
BY FOXLOT GREAZE
MY FIRST MEMORY IS OF A RUG. I WAS YOUNG AND I HAD NOT YET SEEN MANY COLORS. THE "GREAZEBURGER INCUBATION OFFICE AND NURSERY" WAS ALL GRAY AND ORANGE, TOP TO BOTTOM. THE ONLY OTHER COLORS I HAD SEEN WERE THE COLOR OF MY SKIN, THE COLOR OF MY SHIT, AND THE CLEAR OF THE NUTRIENT FLUID I WAS FED EVERY DAY. I DID NOT KNOW THEIR NAMES.
BUT THEN THERE WAS THE RUG. IT WAS SOMETHING ELSE. IT WAS SOMETHING I COULD NOT HAVE DESCRIBED. IT WAS MORE ORANGE THAN ORANGE. IT WAS DEEPER THAN GRAY. I STARED AT IT FOR HOURS. THEY MUST HAVE PUT IT IN THE NURSERY BY MISTAKE, AND IT ONLY STAYED THERE A FEW DAYS. WHEN THEY REMOVED IT, I CRIED. WHEN I WAS CAUGHT CRYING, I WAS PUNISHED FOR WASTING NUTRIENT FLUID. I DESERVED IT. I REALLY ALWAYS THOUGHT I DESERVED IT.
WHEN I WAS DEPLOYED TO EARTH I DISCOVERED THE COLOR AGAIN. IT REAWAKENED MEMORIES IN ME, AND SO I ASKED A PASSING CHILD WHAT IT WAS CALLED. THE CHILD TOLD ME, RED.
RED.
RED.
RED. IS MY FAVORITE COLOR.
MY FAVORITE SMELL IS THE DRAIN CLEANER THEY USE IN THE CONTAINMENT HALL RESTROOMS HERE. IT SMELLS VERY GOOD, BUT THE SINKS TASTE VERY BAD.
MY FAVORITE FOOD IS "TURKEY SANDWICH." I WAS FIRST GIVEN A TURKEY SANDWICH BY AN OLD MAN WHILE I WAS MARKETLYTIZING ON THE EARTH STREETS. I TRIED TO GIVE HIM A BENJAMIN I FOUND AS PAYMENT, BUT HE REFUSED ME. HE TOLD ME A MAN NAMED "THE LORD" HAD INSTRUCTED HIM TO GIVE ME A FREE MEAL. I LATER FOUND OUT THE LORD IS THE EARTH'S MARTIN, AND ALSO THAT HE MAY OR MAY NOT EXIST. I DO NOT KNOW WHY HE ORDERED THE ELDERLY TO GIVE ME SANDWICHES.
I WAS NOT SUPPOSED TO HAVE FAVORITES. I WAS NOT SUPPOSED TO HAVE MEMORIES. BUT IT'S OKAY! IT'S ALL PERFECTLY VALUE™! I'VE FIGURED IT OUT, RIGHT? I JUST HAVE TO STUDY THE "FOUNDATION" AND MADE AMENDS! AND SOON I WILL BE RESCUED AND REWARDED! AND MY BODY WILL LIVE ON. I COULD GO TO ANYBODY, AND MY EYES WILL SEE ANYTHING. I JUST NEED TO KEEP BEING A GOOD CLONE STRONG CLONE A STURDY CLONE. I JUST HAVE TO BE JUST A CLONE. IF I AM CLONE ENOUGH THEN THEY WILL COME BACK FOR ME. THEY WILL STILL COME BACK FOR ME.
I HOPE MY NEXT BRAIN LIKES RED.
I WONDER IF IT WILL DREAM OF SPACE SHUTTLES
At 8:46 PM on 7/15/24, while writing its final "report," SCP-8092 suffered from an apparent stroke and died within the hour. Upon examination, it appears that its body had rejected its brain outright, and any anomalous means by which it survived with a brain intended for a different species had completely ceased. It is now considered neutralized.
SCP-8092's body is currently scheduled for incineration. Its brain has been removed and perserved for future research.