We really elect anyone these days huh.
Item#: SCP-8668
Level2
Containment Class:
safe
Secondary Class:
{$secondary-class}
Disruption Class:
dark
Risk Class:
notice
SCP-8668 in containment (2013).
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-8668 is contained within a standard domestic animal enclosure at Site-58. SCP-8668 must be fed twice a day and walked once a week in accordance to its standard care schedule. Any personnel in charge of walking SCP-8668 are to carry a biohazard containment bag with them at all times during the walk.
Should SCP-8668 vomit at any time within or outside of containment, the contents should be placed in a biohazard containment bag and brought to Site-58's Zoological Studies Department for further review alongside a member of the Foundation's legal team.
Description: SCP-8668 is a Golden Retriever of indeterminate age. While SCP-8668's specific age is unknown, firsthand accounts of the anomaly date back to as early as 1825. Physically, SCP-8668 is comparable to an average Golden Retriever of between 10-11 years of age.
Whenever SCP-8668 vomits, it produces a document containing legal mandates. These texts are often poorly constructed, containing numerous grammatical errors. While the "laws" presented in these texts are often nonsensical in nature, the text itself contains clear action plans for the enforcement of the law with few, if any, loopholes that could be exploited by malicious actors.
Addendum 8668.1: Discovery
SCP-8668 was originally discovered in the town of Rayfield, Wisconsin on August 31st, 1989, where it had been serving as the mayor since 1977. The town came to Foundation attention following the televised broadcast of the following advertisement for SCP-8668's reelection campaign.
<Begin Video>
Footage opens with SCP-8668 sitting in a field. A gust of wind lightly tousles its fur.
Voiceover: This November, your vote couldn't be clearer.
The video cuts to SCP-8668 running down a sidewalk chasing a squirrel.
Voiceover: Since the early days of our town, Old Soggy has been there for us. She's stood by us through our hardest times, and guided us to the prosperity we enjoy today.
Footage cuts to a clip of SCP-8668 and a baby. SCP-8668 licks the top of its head. The baby giggles.
Voiceover: There for us as early as our town founding in 1825, Old Soggy has never once misled us. Her town charter gave us Rayfield, and her legal know-how has made it into the home we know and love to this day.
The video cuts to SCP-8668 sitting with its paw resting atop a Bible.
Voiceover: Josephine Allens, however, would disrespect that legacy. She would remove Old Soggy from the legislature, and subject us to laws and regulations regurgitated by outsiders.
Footage cuts to a black and white image of Josephine Allens, SCP-8668's electoral opposition, in the process of leashing a dog. It then cuts back to an image of SCP-8668 sitting in front of an American Flag.
Voiceover: This November, put your faith in a tried and true voice. Put your faith in someone who believes in this community. Put your faith in Old Soggy. She's got the law in her.
Video cuts to footage of SCP-8668 vomiting up a document. When it finishes, it looks to the camera and barks. The document's text reads "Vote for Old Soggy."
Voiceover: Old Soggy, man's best friend. Paid for by the council to re-elect Old Soggy.
Footage finishes with an image of SCP-8668 facing towards the camera.
<End Video.>
Final shot from video, digitally enhanced.
Following this broadcast, Foundation agents were sent to Rayfield to recover SCP-8668. It was discovered in the town's mayoral office in the middle of drafting a new bill, allowing agents to confirm its anomalous nature. It was taken into containment on August 14th, 1989, and the citizens of Rayfield, Wisconsin were amnescized.
Addendum 8668.2: Abbreviated list of laws
Below is an abbreviated list of laws and legal mandates produced by SCP-8668 prior to and following Foundation containment.
Year
Title
Description
1825
Small Town Build It
First recorded document produced by SCP-8668. Aside from grammatical oddities, review shows it is one of the most legally well constructed town charters in history. This charter would undergo exactly 1 revision in the following years.
1843
Many Write Good Book OK Act
Required all town residents to write and contribute at least one book to the town's library every 3 years.
1856
Pennies Go Away Now Mandate
Demanded that the town melt down all pennies and use the resulting metal to craft pipes, replacing the plumbing that existed in their homes at the time. The law mandated that this be completed no later than 1857 Mandate was completed on schedule, and the town saw a decline in bacterial infections in the following years.
1890
Many Frogs Now Act
Required all residents carry a toad in their coat pocket at all times. Town experienced a notable decline in mosquito-born illnesses following this law's implementation.
1907
Many Cats Yes Act
Asks all residents to adopt at least 1 cat. Document notably contains heavy swearing throughout, specifically when referring to cats. In the years following this mandate, the rat population of Rayfield experienced a sharp decline.
1910
Yucky Wash Hands Mandate
Required all residents to wash their hands with soap and water before meals and after using the restroom. It is believed that this increased attentiveness to health resulted in the town reporting a notably low rate of infection during the Great Influenza epidemic of 1918.
1956
Teach Good Now Act
Law desegregates both schools in town, and sets forth a curriculum based in what were then modern educational practices.
1970
Small Town Build It Part 2
Only law designed specifically to make changes to the town charter. Only notable change is the inclusion of language that specifically does not prohibit dogs from holding office.
Following SCP-8668's containment in 1989, it continued to produce new legal documents. These were not forwarded to the town of Rayfield.
Year
Title
Description
1990
Remove Yucky Strings From House Mandate
First law produced following SCP-8668's containment. Law demands the removal of asbestos from all homes in Rayfield. While asbestos received a partial ban in 1989 on the national level, this law contained more complex bans that would not see similar national legislation until 2024.
1991
Put Dog Back Mandate
First law directly addressing the Foundation. Law requests that the Foundation return SCP-8668 to Rayfield. Following review by the Foundation legal team, a minor loophole was discovered that allowed for the continued containment of SCP-8668.
1993
Make House Better Act
Requires all homes in Rayfield undergo flame-treatment, and requires that home insulation be replaced with cellulose insulation that has undergone borate fireproofing.
1994
Put Dog Back NOW Mandate
A rewrite of the 1991 "Put Dog Back Mandate" that removes the previously discovered legal loophole. While the Foundation legal team was unable to identify new loopholes that would allow the continued containment of SCP-8668, the Foundation has chosen not to comply with the mandate.
1994
Dig Big Hole Act
Requires residents to dig a large trench that completely surrounds the town, excluding major highways and roads, that has a minimum width equal to the tallest tree within 50 feet plus one foot.
1994
Good Girl Go Home Please Please Please Mandate
Outlines a specific plan for the Foundation to return SCP-8668 to Rayfield, Wisconsin in a way that would allow minimal damage to the veil. Denied, as it would still permit the town to be aware of SCP-8668.
1994
Wet Plants Send Please Mandate
Outlines a new irrigation plan for Rayfield designed to help combat drought weather alongside text requesting the Foundation send the mandate to the town. Request was denied.
Addendum 8668.3: Incident Report
On July 16th, 1994, SCP-8668 became unresponsive. A health examination revealed no abnormalities, and that it was otherwise alive and healthy. Foundation investigation revealed that the change in SCP-8668's behavior coincided with the destruction of approximately 60% of the town of Rayfield, Wisconsin. Investigations revealed that the town had largely been destroyed in an uncontrolled wildfire sparked by drought conditions.
After three weeks, SCP-8668 was caught on cameras rising to its feet and vomiting out another document. The document's contents have been recorded below.
Year
Title
Description
1994
Dog Stay In Box
Overturns the 1994 "Put Dog Back NOW Mandate", allowing the Foundation to contain SCP-8668 in perpetuity.
SCP-8668 has produced no further documents since.