vohzd.com
SCP-9206

Greg, Birdball World Champion

Series
10
Size
48.6 KB
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0

Football is a game about scoring more goals than the opponent.

/*

Foxtrot Sigma-9 Theme
[2022 Wikidot Theme]
By Liryn

*/

/* FONTS */

@import url('https://fonts.bunny.net/css2?family=Montserrat:ital,wght@0,800;1,800&display=swap');

@import url('https://fonts.bunny.net/css2?family=Lexend:wght@700;800&display=swap');

@import url('https://fonts.bunny.net/css2?family=JetBrains+Mono:ital,wght@0,400;0,700;1,400;1,700&display=swap');

@import url('https://fonts.bunny.net/css2?family=Fira+Code:wght@400;700&display=swap');

@import url('https://fonts.bunny.net/css2?family=Sofia+Sans:ital,wght@0,400;0,700;1,400;1,700&display=swap');

@import url('https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/local--files/theme:foxtrot/inter.css');

@import url('https://fonts.bunny.net/css2?family=Figtree:wght@800;900&display=swap');

@import url('https://fonts.bunny.net/css2?family=IBM+Plex+Sans:ital,wght@0,400;0,500;0,600;0,700;1,400;1,500;1,600;1,700&display=swap');

/* VARIABLES */

:root {

/* VARIABLES > Core */

--header-title: "SCP Foundation";
--header-subtitle: "SECURE, CONTAIN, PROTECT";
--logo-img: url(https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/local--files/theme:foxtrot/fxtrt-scp_logo_lightmode.svg);
--darkmode-logo-img: url(https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/local--files/theme:foxtrot/fxtrt-scp_logo_darkmode.svg);
--logo-opacity: 14%;

--head-font: 'Sans Normalcy';
--ui-font: 'IBM Plex Sans';
--mono-font: 'JetBrains Mono', 'Fira Code', monospace;
--page-font: 'Inter', 'verdana';
--base-font-size: 0.9rem;
--page-font-size: 1rem;

/* VARIABLES > Misc */

--header-txt-color: \#333333;
--subheader-txt-color: rgb(var(--accent));
--misc-txt-color: \#464646;
--link-txt-color: \#E6283C;
--link-hover-txt-color: white;

/* VARIABLES > Color Accents */

--accent: var(--acc-default);

--acc-default: 59, 59, 59;
--acc-wyoming: 142, 0, 18;
--acc-canada: var(--acc-default);
--acc-poland: 87, 44, 17;
--acc-slothspit: 27, 60, 133;
--acc-vanguard: 0, 153, 75;
--acc-threshold: 121, 113, 130;
--acc-overwatch: 28, 37, 56;
--acc-spc: 0, 165, 200;
--acc-fishing: 67, 111, 145;
--acc-nightfall: 151, 0, 2;
--acc-hybrasil: 27, 60, 133;
--acc-goc: 39, 84, 149;
--acc-spooky: 252, 112, 40;

/* VARIABLES > BetterFootnotes */

--fnColor: var(--link-txt-color);
--fnLinger: 1s;

}

/* VARIABLES > Info Bar */

.info-container {
--barColour: rgb(var(--accent));
--linkColour: #EDEDED;
}

/* MAIN */

html {
scroll-behavior: smooth;
overflow-x: hidden;
}

body {
font-family: var(--ui-font), sans-serif;
font-size: var(--base-font-size);
color: rgb(51, 51, 51);
background-image: linear-gradient(to bottom, #e0e0e0, #fff 200px);
text-rendering: optimizeLegibility;
overflow-wrap: break-word;
}

div#container-wrap {
background: none;
}

#content-wrap {
margin: 2em auto 0;
}

#page-content {
font-family: var(--page-font), var(--ui-font), sans-serif;
font-size: var(--page-font-size);
font-weight: 440;
}

#page-content strong {
font-weight: 700;
}

tt,
.page-source,
pre,
#edit-page-textarea {
font-family: var(--mono-font);
}

ol li {
margin: 0 0 1em;
}

ul {
margin: 1em 0;
}

li,
p {
line-height: 1.5;
text-underline-offset: 40%;
}

::selection {
background: rgb(var(--accent));
color: #fff;
}

/* Clicky links */
a,
a.newpage,
a:visited,
#side-bar a:visited {
color: var(--link-txt-color);
}

a:hover,
a.newpage:hover,
a:visited:hover,
#side-bar a:visited:hover {
color: var(--link-hover-txt-color);
text-decoration: none;
background-color: var(--link-txt-color);
}

a {
transition-duration: 0.1s;
}

/* patch for sidebar media, collapsibles, ACS, info button and ayers module so link doesn't override */
#page-content .collapsible-block-folded a:hover,
#page-content .collapsible-block-unfolded-link a:hover,
#page-content .rate-box-with-credit-button .fa-info:hover,
#side-bar .side-block.media a:hover,
.danger-diamond a:hover {
background: transparent;
}

.info-container .collapsible-block-folded .collapsible-block-link,
.info-container .collapsible-block-link {
background: var(--linkColour) !important;
}

/* MAIN > Header */

div#header {
background: none;
height: 160px;
}

#header h1 span,
#header h2 span {
font-size: 0;
display: none;
}

#header h1 a::before,
#header h2::before {
color: var(--header-txt-color);
letter-spacing: 1px;
font-family: var(--head-font), sans-serif !important;
font-weight: 900;
text-shadow: none;
}

#header h1 {
margin-top: -0.3rem;
}

#header h1 a {
width: fit-content;
margin: auto;
}

#header h1 a::before {
content: var(--header-title);
font-size: 1.3em;
}

#header h2::before {
content: var(--header-subtitle);
font-family: var(--ui-font) !important;
font-weight: 700;
font-size: 1.4em;
color: var(--misc-txt-color);
line-height: 26px;
margin-top: 0.35rem;
display: block;
text-transform: uppercase;
}

#header h1,
#header h2 {
margin-left: 0;
float: none;
text-align: center;
}

#header h1 span,
#header h2 span {
font-size: 0;
display: none;
}

div#extra-div-1 {
height: 160px;
width: 100%;
top: 7px;
position: absolute;
background: var(--logo-img) 10px 30px no-repeat;
background-size: 130px;
background-repeat: no-repeat;
background-position: 50% 50%;
z-index: -1;
opacity: var(--logo-opacity);
}

/* MAIN > Header > Search Box */

#search-top-box-form>input[type=text] {
display: none;
}

#search-top-box-input,
#search-top-box-input:hover,
#search-top-box-input:focus,
#search-top-box-form input[type=submit],
#search-top-box-form input[type=submit]:hover,
#search-top-box-form input[type=submit]:focus {
border: none;
background: rgb(var(--accent));
box-shadow: none;
border-radius: 5px !important;
color: #efefef;
font-family: var(--ui-font);
font-size: calc(var(--page-font-size) - 10%);
}

#search-top-box input.empty {
color: #999999;
}

#search-top-box {
position: absolute;
top: 47px;
width: unset;
}

/* MAIN > Header > Top Bar */

#top-bar,
#top-bar a {
top: 10rem;
}

#header #top-bar ul {
border-radius: 10px;
border: none;
background: rgb(var(--accent));
padding-left: 15px;
padding-right: 15px;
}

#header #top-bar a {
color: white;
background: rgb(var(--accent));
font-weight: bold;
}

#header #top-bar ul li ul {
padding: 0px;
border-radius: 0px;
}

#top-bar ul li.sfhover a,
#top-bar ul li:hover a {
border-left: solid 1px #FFF;
border-right: solid 1px #FFF;
}

#top-bar ul li ul li a:hover {
color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.83) !important;
line-height: 230%;
text-indent: 3px;
}

#top-bar {
display: flex;
justify-content: center;
right: 0;
}

.mobile-top-bar {
left: unset;
}

/* MAIN > Header > Login Info */

#login-status {
top: 19px;
}

#login-status,
#login-status a {
color: #333333;
}

@media (max-width: 767px) {
#header .printuser {
font-size: 0;
}
}

.printuser a {
margin: 0;
}

.printuser img.small {
width: 18px;
height: 18px;
padding: 1px 4px 0 0;

background-image: none !important;

}

@media (max-width: 767px) {
#header .printuser img.small {
transform: translate(0, 4px);
}
}

#my-account {
display: none;
}

@media (max-width: 767px) {
#account-topbutton {
margin: 0 0 0 5px;
}
}

/* MAIN > Header > Side Bar */

#top-bar .open-menu a {
border-radius: 0px;
border: none;
background: rgb(var(--accent));
color: white;
}

#side-bar {
background: #FFF;
}

@media (min-width: 768px) {

\#side-bar {
    padding: 0.3em 0.6em 0 0.6em;
    width: 18.75em;
    transition: left 0.2s ease-in-out;
    direction: rtl;
    text-align: left;
    border-right: none;
}

}

#side-bar .side-block,
#side-bar .side-block.resources,
#side-bar .side-block.media,
#interwiki .side-block {
border: 2px solid rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.2);
border-radius: 0px;
box-shadow: none;
margin-bottom: 6px;
direction: ltr;
background: transparent;
}

#side-bar .side-block.resources {
text-align: center;
}

#side-bar .heading {
color: var(--misc-txt-color);
border-bottom: solid 2px #cfcfcf;
font-size: 9pt;
font-family: var(--head-font);
font-weight: 800;
text-transform: uppercase;
}

/* CONTENT */

/* CONTENT > Blockquotes, Custom Divs */

.blockquote,
div.blockquote,
blockquote {
border: solid 2px rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.15);
background: #f7f7f7;
}

.jotting {
padding: 1.3em;
margin: 1em 4.5em;
border: dashed 2px rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.2);
background: #f7f7f7;
}

.notation {
padding: 1em 1.5em;
margin: 1em 3em;
border-left: solid 3px rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.35);
border-right: solid 3px rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.35);
background: #f7f7f7;
}

.modal {
padding: 1.2em;
margin: 1em 3em;
border: solid 5px rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.15);
background: #fbfbfb;
}

.quote {
padding: 0.4em 2em;
margin: 3em auto;
border-left: solid 3px #bbb;
max-width: 500px !important;
}

.paper {
padding: 1.5em;
margin: 2em;
background: #FFF;
box-shadow: 0px 4px 9px rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.2);
}

.box {
padding: 1px 9px;
border: solid 3px #bbb;
margin: 0.5em 1em;
}

div.note {
font-size: unset;
border: 2px solid #afafaf;
background-color: #fff;
}

.round {
border-radius: 10px;
}

/* CONTENT > Headings, Titles */

#page-title,
.meta-title {
font-family: var(--ui-font), sans-serif;
font-weight: 800;
color: #3b3b3b;
border-bottom: solid 2px rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.2);
width: fit-content;
margin: 0 auto 1.5rem;
}

#page-title,
.meta-title,
#breadcrumbs,
.pseudocrumbs {
text-align: center;
}

h1,
h2,
h3,
h4,
h5,
h6 {
font-family: var(--head-font), sans-serif;
font-weight: 800;
color: #3b3b3b;
}

h1,
h2 {
font-weight: 800;
}

.footnotes-footer .title {
font-family: var(--head-font), sans-serif;
color: #3b3b3b;
font-weight: 800;
}

/* CONTENT > Rate Module */

#page-content .creditRate {
margin: unset;
font-family: var(--ui-font);
float: unset !important;
}

#page-content .rate-box-with-credit-button {
background-color: #fff;
border: solid 1px #bbb;
box-shadow: none;
border-radius: 0;
}

#page-content .rate-box-with-credit-button .fa-info {
border: none;
color: #333;
}

#page-content .rate-box-with-credit-button .fa-info:hover {
background: #333;
color: #fff;
}

.rate-box-with-credit-button .cancel {
border: solid 1px #fff;
}

.page-rate-widget-box {
box-shadow: none;
border: solid 1px #bbb;
margin: unset;
margin-bottom: 4px;
border-radius: 0;
font-family: var(--ui-font);
}

.page-rate-widget-box .rate-points {
background-color: #fff !important;
color: #333 !important;
border: none !important;
border-radius: 0;
}

.page-rate-widget-box .rateup,
.page-rate-widget-box .ratedown {
background-color: #fff;
border-top: none;
border-bottom: none;
}

.page-rate-widget-box .rateup a,
.page-rate-widget-box .ratedown a {
background: transparent;
color: #333;
}

.page-rate-widget-box .rateup a:hover,
.page-rate-widget-box .ratedown a:hover {
background: #333;
color: #fff;
}

.page-rate-widget-box .cancel {
background: #fff;
border: none;
border-radius: 0;
display: inline-block;
}

.page-rate-widget-box .cancel a {
color: #333;
}

.page-rate-widget-box .cancel a:hover {
background: #333;
color: #fff;
border-radius: 0;
}

#page-content .rate-box-with-credit-button .page-rate-widget-box {
border: none;
}

/* CONTENT > Rate Module > Author Label */

.authorlink-wrapper {
--author-top-adjust: 0;
--author-bottom-adjust: 0;
--author-right-adjust: 0;
font-family: var(--ui-font);
font-size: var(--base-font-size);
}

/* CONTENT > Side Box */

.anchor {
position: sticky;
height: 0;
top: 0;
}

.sidebox {
padding: .14rem;
margin-top: 0;
margin-bottom: 8px;
width: calc((100vw - 870px)/2);
max-height: calc(100vh - 18rem);
position: absolute;
top: 0;
left: 103.5%;
z-index: 5;
overflow: auto;
box-sizing: border-box;
}

@media (max-width: 1290px) {
.sidebox {
display: none;
visibility: hidden;
}
}

/* CONTENT > Image Block */

.scp-image-block .scp-image-caption {
background-color: #f4f4f4;
color: #3b3b3b;
border: solid 2px rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.1);
margin-top: 8px;
box-sizing: border-box;
border-radius: 4px;
}

.scp-image-block {
border: none;
box-shadow: none;
}

.scp-image-block img {
border: solid 2px rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.1);
box-sizing: border-box;
}

.imagediv {
float: right;
margin: 15px
}

@media (max-width: 540px) {
.imagediv {
float: unset;
text-align: center;
margin: 1.3rem auto 1.3rem auto;
}
}

@media only screen and (max-width: 600px) {
.scp-image-block.block-right {
float: none;
margin: 10px auto;
}
}

/* CONTENT > Tables Base */

#page-content tr th {
padding: 6px;
border: 2px solid rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.2);
}

#page-content tr td {
padding: 12px;
border: 2px solid #bfbfbf;
line-height: 1.4;
}

#page-content .sidebox tr td,
#page-content .sidebox tr th {
padding: 0.35em;
}

/* CONTENT > Tables Customization (Table Coloring System) */

/* CONTENT > Tables Customization (Table Coloring System) > Table Headings, Image Captions */

#page-content .table1 tr th,
#page-content .table1 .scp-image-block .scp-image-caption {
background-color: #E0FFD4;
}

#page-content .table2 tr th,
#page-content .table2 .scp-image-block .scp-image-caption {
background-color: #D8ECF4;
}

#page-content .table3 tr th,
#page-content .table3 .scp-image-block .scp-image-caption {
background-color: #FDF6D7;
}

#page-content .table4 tr th,
#page-content .table4 .scp-image-block .scp-image-caption {
background-color: #FFDFCD;
}

#page-content .table5 tr th,
#page-content .table5 .scp-image-block .scp-image-caption {
background-color: #FFCFCF;
}

#page-content .table6 tr th,
#page-content .table6 .scp-image-block .scp-image-caption {
background-color: rgba(146, 0, 255, 0.2);
}

.tableb .wiki-content-table {
border-collapse: separate;
border-spacing: 2px;
}

/* CONTENT > Tables Customization (Table Coloring System) > Other Colored Divs */

.table1 .blockquote,
.table1 div.blockquote,
.table1 blockquote,
.table1 .jotting,
.table1 .notation,
.table1 .modal,
.table1 .paper,
.blockquote.table1,
div.blockquote.table1,
.jotting.table1,
.notation.table1,
.modal.table1,
.paper.table1 {
background: rgb(224, 255, 212);
}

.table2 .blockquote,
.table2 div.blockquote,
.table2 blockquote,
.table2 .jotting,
.table2 .notation,
.table2 .modal,
.table2 .paper,
.blockquote.table2,
div.blockquote.table2,
.jotting.table2,
.notation.table2,
.modal.table2,
.paper.table2 {
background: rgb(226, 244, 255);
}

.table3 .blockquote,
.table3 div.blockquote,
.table3 blockquote,
.table3 .jotting,
.table3 .notation,
.table3 .modal,
.table3 .paper,
.blockquote.table3,
div.blockquote.table3,
.jotting.table3,
.notation.table3,
.modal.table3,
.paper.table3 {
background: rgb(255, 245, 189);
}

.table4 .blockquote,
.table4 div.blockquote,
.table4 blockquote,
.table4 .jotting,
.table4 .notation,
.table4 .modal,
.table4 .paper,
.blockquote.table4,
div.blockquote.table4,
.jotting.table4,
.notation.table4,
.modal.table4,
.paper.table4 {
background: rgb(255, 223, 205);
}

.table5 .blockquote,
.table5 div.blockquote,
.table5 blockquote,
.table5 .jotting,
.table5 .notation,
.table5 .modal,
.table5 .paper,
.blockquote.table5,
div.blockquote.table5,
.jotting.table5,
.notation.table5,
.modal.table5,
.paper.table5 {
background: rgb(255, 207, 207);
}

.table6 .blockquote,
.table6 div.blockquote,
.table6 blockquote,
.table6 .jotting,
.table6 .notation,
.table6 .modal,
.table6 .paper,
.blockquote.table6,
div.blockquote.table6,
.jotting.table6,
.notation.table6,
.modal.table6,
.paper.table6 {
background: rgb(255, 218, 255);
}

/* CONTENT > Tabs Base */

.yui-navset .yui-nav a,
.yui-navset .yui-navset-top .yui-nav a {
background-color: inherit;
background-image: inherit
}

.yui-navset .yui-nav a:hover,
.yui-navset .yui-nav a:focus {
background: inherit;
text-decoration: inherit
}

.yui-navset .yui-nav .selected a,
.yui-navset .yui-nav .selected a:focus,
.yui-navset .yui-nav .selected a:hover {
color: inherit;
background: inherit
}

.yui-navset .yui-nav,
.yui-navset .yui-navset-top .yui-nav {
border-color: inherit
}

.yui-navset li {
line-height: inherit
}

/* CONTENT > Tabs Customization */

.yui-navset .yui-nav,
.yui-navset .yui-navset-top .yui-nav {
display: flex;
flex-wrap: wrap;
width: calc(100% - .125rem);
margin: 0 auto;
border-color: #333333;
box-shadow: none;
}

.yui-navset .yui-nav a,
/* ---- Link Modifier ---- /
.yui-navset .yui-navset-top .yui-nav a {
color: #333333;
/ ---- Tab Background Colour | [UNSELECTED] ---- */
background-color: #efefef;
border: unset;
box-shadow: none;
box-shadow: none;
}

.yui-navset .yui-nav a:hover,
.yui-navset .yui-nav a:focus {
color: #ffffff;
/* ---- Tab Background Colour | [HOVER] ---- */
background-color: #333333;
}

.yui-navset .yui-nav li,
/* ---- Listitem Modifier ---- */
.yui-navset .yui-navset-top .yui-nav li {
position: relative;
display: flex;
flex-grow: 2;
max-width: 100%;
margin: 0;
padding: 0;
color: #ffffff;
background-color: #ffffff;
border-color: transparent;
box-shadow: none;
}

.yui-navset .yui-nav li a,
.yui-navset-top .yui-nav li a,
.yui-navset-bottom .yui-nav li a {
display: flex;
align-items: center;
justify-content: center;
width: 100%;
}

.yui-navset .yui-nav li em {
border: unset;
}

.yui-navset .yui-nav a em,
.yui-navset .yui-navset-top .yui-nav a em {
padding: .35em .75em;

text-overflow: ellipsis;
overflow: hidden;
white-space: nowrap;

}

.yui-navset .yui-nav .selected,
/* ---- Selection Modifier ---- /
.yui-navset .yui-navset-top .yui-nav .selected {
flex-grow: 2;
margin: 0;
padding: 0;
/ ---- Tab Background Colour | [SELECTED] ---- */
background-color: #333333;
}

.yui-navset .yui-nav .selected a,
.yui-navset .yui-nav .selected a em {
border: none;
}

.yui-navset .yui-nav .selected a {
width: 100%;
color: #ffffff;
}

.yui-navset .yui-nav .selected a:focus,
.yui-navset .yui-nav .selected a:active {
color: #ffffff;
background-color: #333333;
}

.yui-navset .yui-content {
background-color: #ffffff;
box-shadow: none;
}

.yui-navset .yui-content,
.yui-navset .yui-navset-top .yui-content {
padding: .5em;
border: 1px solid #333;
box-sizing: border-box;
}

/* CONTENT > WORDS NO BROKEY. CROQ HAS SPOKEY. and other things */

span,
a {
word-break: normal !important
}

.avatar-hover {
display: none !important;
}

#main-content .page-tags span {
max-width: 100%;
}

/* CONTENT > Dustjacket Assets */

.fancyhr hr {
border-top: 2vw solid transparent;
background-color: rgba(var(--bright-accent), 0);
height: 0;
box-sizing: border-box;
border-image-source: url('https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/local--files/theme:foxtrot/wl_hr.webp');
border-image-repeat: round round;
background: none;
border-image-slice: 80 500 80 500 fill;
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ITEM #: SCP-9206

LEVEL- 

CONTAINMENT CLASS: THAUMIEL - {$sc}

DISRUPTION CLASS: DARK

Assigned Site

Site-3

Site Director

Dir. Albert Ezekiel

Research Head

Senior Researcher Mary Jupiter

Assigned MTF

N/A

ITEM: SCP-9206

LEVEL- 

CONTAINMENT
CLASS: THAUMIEL - {$sc}

DISRUPTION
CLASS: DARK

Assigned Site

Site-3

Site Director

Dir. Albert Ezekiel

Research Head

Senior Researcher Mary Jupiter

Assigned MTF

N/A

Site-3's Football pitch next to a residential staffing unit.

SPECIAL CONTAINMENT PROCEDURES: All communication by Groups of Interest regarding SCP-9206 is to be forwarded to Dr. Mary Jupiter.

Site-3 personnel are discouraged from allowing Avisocc-related activities to affect the quality of their work.

DESCRIPTION: SCP-9206 is a spontaneous phenomenon biannually affecting 67% of England's adult Avifauna.

Avians affected by SCP-9206 will show the following anomalous effects for the next 10 months after being affected:

  • An abnormally high cognitive function.
  • Increased dexterity and bone density
  • A desire to converge in specific locations along with their respective species.
  • Innate knowledge of POI-9206's location.

Approximately 90 minutes after being affected by SCP-9206, said avians will attempt to migrate towards POI-9206. If contact is successful, all SCP-9206-1 instances will collect the closest spherical object and attempt to replicate a season of Association Football.

POI-9206 is an adult female Sagittarius serpentarius, that is presumably the cause of all SCP-9206 events. POI-9206 is sapient as well as capable of communication in English, possessing a large amount of knowledge in both business theory and sports science. POI-9206 designates itself as the "manager" of all SCP-9206 events, often grouping SCP-9206-1 instances into teams with appropriate captains and substitutes, along with leading them towards wide patches of grass.

ADDENDUM-I: History

The first recorded SCP-9206 event took place on 4/5/2012, causing large commotion among England's populace due to the disappearance of pets and overcrowding of public spaces. Following immediate public outcry, the Department of Misinformation approved the implementation of a media blackout coupled with a nationwide amnesticization campaign for the time being. Eventually approving the deployment of MTF Lionel-3 "Fisher's Wit" to investigate further.

However, while approaching a group of SCP-9206-1 instances in a forest near Manchester, the task force was intercepted by a Global Occult Coalition Strike Team attempting to terminate the instances. This confrontation escalated into a firefight after a series of disagreements caused by a lack of information regarding the anomaly and the potential appearance of containment teams in the area.

A ceasefire would only be declared after instances began to replicate practice drills using nearby bullet casings. Seemingly ignoring the altercation entirely.

This behavioral change, along with diplomatic efforts by site command, would convince the strike team to temporarily halt liquidation attempts until further information was gathered.

Following the establishment of a temporary containment perimeter in the area, POI-9206 approached Agent Franklin Lang with a slab of carved wood stating:

fİve HunDrEd dOlaR peR Tiket pLs

This would result in the following interaction:

- Close Transcript

<Start Log>

Agent Barry stares at the sign.

Barry: W-what?

POI-9206: Your fee.

Barry: You can speak?

POI-9206: Duh, didn't think you'd hear me over all that ruckuse thouh. There better not be any blood on the pitch.

Barry: Well, uhh, we stopped that. Thankfully, no blood was spilled.

POI-9206: Mhmm.

5 Seconds of silence.

Barry: So, what about the sign?

POI-9206: I doubt that you are either blind or deaf, intruder. Provide your payment if you wish to observe. With haste, please. I'm a busy woman.

Barry: I don't-, [sigh] the hell is going on here?

POI-9206: Isn't it obvious? We are in the middle of the season-opener. And I would very much appreciate it if you could not take my attention hostage for long.

Barry: Oh come on! Soccer? Really?

POI-9206: The ritual of Avisocc is not something to take lightly. No, it's a method of dominance and self-expression. Quite profitable overseas too, I might add.

Barry: You have a weird-ass name for it, too? [sigh] I should've just stayed in Zeta-9…

POI-9206: May the Forebearer curse thyne foul tounge! I shall take my leave!

Agent Barry runs back to Lieutenant Zimmerman, quickly returning to POI-9206 after a short exchange.

POI-9206: Ugh, just leave us alone already.

POI-9206 turns and begins to walk towards the SCP-9206-1 instances.

Barry: Will this be enough to cover me?

Agent Barry hands POI-9206 a 200 pound bill.

POI-9206: [Scoffs] These aren't even dollars!

Barry: We're in England.

Prolonged silecne.

POI-9206: You leave after the second half…

<End Log>

Sustained negotiations with POI-9206 would continue for two months after Agent Barry's initial departure from the area, leading to the eventual establishment of the International Association Parasport Federation (IAPF), an organizational committee created to peacefully resolve conflicts between Groups of Interest by forming official sports leagues.

ADDENDUM-II: Rule Overview

After the formation of the IAPF, the sport of Avisocc was officially recognized as an anomalous branch of Football and sanctioned with the following rules in cooperation with POI-9206:

  • All games will be played with 42 players total, with 10 substitutes.
  • All games will be played in 60 minutes with two 30-minute halves.
  • The ball must not be made of shiny materials.
  • Only goalkeepers may use their wings or beak to touch the ball.
  • No player may fly while carrying the ball for more than 3 seconds.
  • All official bets on Avisocc matches by registered Groups of Interest are to be made on Kalshi.

ADDENDUM-III: Example Matches

The following is a list of three Avisocc match overviews, including the Foundation representative team for testing purposes. Relevant dialogue spoken by SCP-9206-1 instances during postgame interviews has been translated and quoted appropriately by Dr. Azazel Q. Vilson.

Anartist spectators from AWCY visiting Site-3.

MATCH

TEAM-1

TEAM-2

FINAL SCORE

Bird of The Match

Practice game, Cross-testing cell B-32.

TEAM FOUNDATION

CLOACATCHERS

3-1

Gerald Featherdale from TEAM-1: "Peep-peep"

MATCH

TEAM-1

TEAM-2

FINAL SCORE

Bird of The Match

Season opener, Site-3 Stadium

TEAM FOUNDATION

FIVEFOLD PHALANX

2-4

Boncuk Karafatma from TEAM-2: "Chi-chirp"

MATCH

TEAM-1

TEAM-2

FINAL SCORE

Bird of The Match

Exhibition match, Grizedale Forest Stadium

TEAM FOUNDATION

Manchester United

0-7

Rashford Quakson from TEAM-2: "πουλί πουλί"

ADDENDUM-IV: Internal Text Logs

The following is a contextually relevant exchange between two staff members involved with SCP-9206 research.

Heyy Pearly…

Why are you not in caps lock.

What?

Just send me the funeral address.

It's not like that!

I'm surprised you didn't call me about arrangements sooner.

Look, I know it's a bit sudden, but could you cover my gas for like the next two days? You know how it is, money dries up quickly in this economy, yknow? I mean, the highly intellectual conversations of the birby's aren't easy to put on paper, yknow?

…

Y'know?

Don't even start.

Oh come on!

Vil, do YOU know how hard things are in the psych wing this week? Mary thinks about jumping every other hour! And those no-name goi's aren't gonna stop leeching off our sport any time soon. Go ask the ducks or whatever.

"Our", sport?

Well yea.

When was the last time our shining stars took formation, let alone a single point off the goddamn Geese against weed?! FYI, the betting list is public! And you aren't exactly a saint of financial responsibility!

God forbid I support my own organization! Maybe you should try to support your budget before begging me! Also, what does this have to do with anything? Go ask Albert if you wanna save the team or whatever.

Don't pressure me! I need to vent here! The point is, Pearly, that the team is a bunch of fraudulent bums! Why did we make a sport we can't even play! For fucks sake I haven't seen the Insurgency do this much damage to morale during raids…

Ps: You owe me donut money from March, so yeah.

You know what? Maybe you're right, the Foundation can't play Birdball for shit…

I know right?

So, how about we play something else?

W H A T

Have the Quackmobile ready, I'll get the gas.

Yes ma'am!

PROJECT PROPOSAL-F.42

"Hide-n-Seekers"

Proposed by: Dr. Pearl N. Langstrum
Proposed to: Dir. Albert Ezekiel, Site-3

Due to the reported and significant drop in staff morale caused by recent developments following the establishment of the IAFP, I propose a 3-step solution to increase favorable relations with certain Groups of Interest, as well as removing excessive Foundation spending. My proposal is as follows:

STEP-1: Introduce educational courses related to financial responsibility aimed at LVL-3 or lower personnel.

STEP-2: Increase the annual budget of the Psychiatry wing.

STEP-3: Utilize SCP-9386 as a player in Team Foundation.

Proposal Status: Begrudgingly Accepted

ADDENDUM-IV: Interview Log

- SESSION 9386-01 -

Date: 25/9/2012
Counsellor: Dr. Pearl N. Langstrum
Patient: SCP-9386

<Start Log>

Dr. Langstrum enters SCP-9386's enclosure with a small gold ball in her hand.

She approaches SCP-9386, who is currently chasing a beetle.

Dr. Langstrum: Hiii, Greg…

SCP-9386: My name! You remembered Greg!

Dr. Langstrum: Don't mention it, it's what friends do.

SCP-9386: Well, Greg doesn't mind if you forget, I'll keep reminding you!

Dr. Langstrum: That's wonderful, Greg.

Dr. Langstrum kneels down.

Dr. Langstrum: So, how are you today?

SCP-9386: EXCITED!

SCP-9386 starts hopping around in a circular motion.

SCP-9386: You smell like beetles!

Dr. Langstrum sniffs her sleeve.

Dr. Langstrum: Ah, well. I'm sure it's a familiar smell to you.

SCP-9386: It is! Not as familiar as-

SCP-9386: Wait…

SCP-9386: Gasp DID YOU COME TO PLAY HIDE AND SEEK!?

Dr. Langstrum: That's a complicated question.

Dr. Langstrum moves to sit atop a wooden log nearby.

Dr. Langstrum: I've come to teach you a new game! Yaaay!

SCP-9386 appears dissatisfied.

SCP-9386: I don't wanna play another game, I wanna play HIDE and SEEK!

Dr. Langstrum: Well, what if I told you that this game was….A NEW KIND OF HIDE AND SEEK!

SCP-9386 cocks its head back.

SCP-9386: A new form of Hide Seek? No such thing could exist. And if it did, I would know as someone with a PhD in Hideseekian Studies.

Dr. Langstrum snaps her fingers.

Dr. Langstrum: That's just it, Greg! This game is sooo secret that it's always hiding its own existence.

SCP-9386: Wait..but that would mean I'm currently IN a game of Hide and Seek!

Dr. Langstrum: Exactly, Greg!

Dr. Langstrum removes the golden sphere from her pocket, showing it to SCP-9386.

Dr. Langstrum: This little thing is the key to winning the game. You try to put it inside a net along with 40 others! But you can only use your feet.

SCP-9386: Like a hide-and-seek treasure hunt?

Dr. Langstrum: It's much more complicated than that, there's tactics and strategy and passing the ball to others, et cetera.

SCP-9386: What.

Dr. Langstrum: Hmm?

SCP-9386: That makes no sense. If everyone can already see the ball, then no one's hiding or seeking anything! And that's booooringgg!

Dr. Langstrum: Think of it like this, you're hiding the ball from the other seeker's legs while you try to score a goal. And I know just how much you love hiding! So surely a Hide and Seek champion such as yourself can see the appeal!

SCP-9386: That sounds like a rather contrived explanation for something quite unseekian.

Prolonged silence.

Dr. Langstrum: I-…

Continued silence.

Dr. Langstrum: I'll give you a shiny spoon if you play.

<End Log>

ADDENDUM-IV: Example Matches-2

MATCH

TEAM-1

TEAM-2

FINAL SCORE

Bird of The Match

Friendly Match, Site-17 Statium

TEAM FOUNDATION

BLACK COUNTRY BOOBIES

1-1

Greg from TEAM-1: "This is surprisingly fun!"

MATCH

TEAM-1

TEAM-2

FINAL SCORE

Bird of The Match

Charity Match, Interdimensional Area-66.

TEAM FOUNDATION

GEESE AGAINST WEED

3-2

Greg from TEAM-1: "When do I get the spoon?"

MATCH

TEAM-1

TEAM-2

FINAL SCORE

Bird of The Match

Season Ender Site-3 Stadium

TEAM FOUNDATION

INSURGENCY TEAM

[REDACTED]

N/A

MATCH

TEAM-1

TEAM-2

FINAL SCORE

Bird of The Match

League Match, Site-3 Stadium

TEAM FOUNDATION

AMBROSE ALBATROSSES

5-1

Greg from TEAM-1: "Just hidenseekin as always."

MATCH

TEAM-1

TEAM-2

FINAL SCORE

Bird of The Match

League Match, Site-3 Stadium

TEAM FOUNDATION

MIDNIGHT ZONE

7-2

Greg from TEAM-1: "They could at least try to make fitting clothes."

MATCH

TEAM-1

TEAM-2

FINAL SCORE

Bird of The Match

League Match, Site-3 Stadium

TEAM FOUNDATION

FIVEFOLD PHALANX

19-0

Greg from TEAM-1: "Why are the others so unfriendly? It's just a game."

ADDENDUM-V: Offers

The following is a list of communications by various Groups of Interest in the last month regarding Project "Hide-n-Seekers".

Subject: Offer for the Permanent Transfer of SCP-9386.

Date: 17/10/2012

From: Legal Department / G.O.C Undersecretary General Office

To: Senior Researcher Mary Jupiter

Dear Madam, we write on behalf of the Global Occult Coalition International Avisocc Club to make a formal offer for the permanent transfer of the registration rights of SCP-9386, currently registered with your club. The player is a central midfielder of intermediate age with a contract expiring on 30 June 2030. Our offer is as follows:

Transfer Fee Guaranteed / Base Fee: £100,000,000 (one-hundred million pounds sterling)

Payment Structure: £50,000,000 payable within 7 days of receipt of the International Transfer Certificate (ITC) and successful completion of the medical.

Sell-On Clause:

We propose a 30% sell-on clause on any future permanent transfer fee (net of any add-ons) received by our club if the player is sold to another club.

We believe this represents a very competitive proposal for the player and look forward to your positive response at your earliest convenience. Please do not hesitate to contact us if you require any further information or wish to discuss the terms.

Yours sincerely, D.C. Al Fine
Club Secretary / Director of Avisocc Operations
Fivefold Phalanx Football Club
Email: moc.caxnalahpdlofevif|lagel#moc.caxnalahpdlofevif|lagel

To: foundation@scp_outmail.██
From: ip.office@drwondertainment.██
Date Sent: 17/11/2012
Subject: Re: Play Fair Please

Good evening.

I am Carraway Rothwell, as Dr. Wondertainment's representative chair in the IAPF, I hereby request an emergency summit to discuss an overhaul in our official rules. We believe that using outside anomalous methods to gain an unfair advantage over other teams, constitutes both a breach of sportsmanship and financial fraud.

Learn to take a loss, for God's sake.

EMERGENCY BULLETIN

ARRIVED: 17/11/2012 6:07 PM Birmingham, United Kingdom

We would like to congratulate the Foundation on its recent successes in this month's Avisocc season. The team's performance as of late is an inspirational story of resilience that both of our missions can relate to.

With that said, we hope that you will contribute the new funds gained from these victories for a proper cause, including our Avian wildfile preservation project in South Africa.

Sincerely,

- Mission watch external, Oceanian Headquarters

Ambrose Newcastle

DO NOT IGNORE

Good evening, this is our 1385th reminder to please refer to our original offer regarding the trade of various Avisocc players under your ownership. We believe that all of England should be able to experience the lively and unique taste of these wonderful fowls. Surely you understand the potential ticket sales that would come out of a live exhibition, followed by a meal!

Please…

-Chaz Ambrose

BeegGaymer has joined.

BeegGaymer: What the fuck are you guys feeding that thing, man?
BeegGaymer: Regardless, I'd be glad to take him of ya hands for two Blu-ray nature documentaries.
M. Jupiter: *Her. Shame on you, offer rejected.
BeegGaymer: Kill yourself.

[117 FOLLOW-UP COMMUNICATIONS OMITTED FOR BREVITY]

!⃝ UPDATE-5/9/2013: During a season-ending Avisocc game between Team Foundation and Manchester United, POI-9206 spontaneously dematerialized after SCP-9386 scored its fifteenth hat-trick of the match. Immediately afterwards, all SCP-9206-1 instances lost their enhanced cognitive function and fled the stadium. The following paper note was found in the bleachers where POI-9206 was last located.

After many millennia, the true heir has finally appeared! The others must know!

REJOICE! REJOICE! REJOICE!

-Mrs Gooce Anatra, fifth loyal apostle of the Feathered Forebearer.

SCP-9206 has been reclassified as neutralized. Investigation into maintaining the Foundation's economic stability is ongoing.

- FOOTNOTES

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