UlyssesBark
Case File 9461: Disciplinary Hearing of M. Stone, by UlyssesBark
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From: ten.pcs.eettimmocscihte|yelkcub.egroeg#ten.pcs.eettimmocscihte|yelkcub.egroeg
To: ten.pcs.hcraeser|enots.ellehcim#ten.pcs.hcraeser|enots.ellehcimMichelle,
Please review the attached files prior to your hearing.
We'll see you Tuesday.
Regards,
George Buckley
Ethics Committee Liaison.
File: SCP-9461 Rev 1
SCP-9461 being prepared for testing.
Item #: SCP-9461
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-9461 is to be kept in a standard containment in Site 30 locker when not in use.
Description: SCP-9461 is a wooden door knob, similar to ones found in residential homes in much of Europe and North America. Its anomalous properties manifest when affixed to a door, wherein the property the door resides in (henceforth referred to as SCP-9461-2) will, within 10 minutes of SCP-9461 being affixed, be subject to summary demolition through various means. However, the door, door hinge, flooring, supports, and anything else that keeps the door SCP-9461 is affixed to standing will remain undamaged.
This typically occurs due to a previously unidentified fault in the property's gas line or electrical system, which causes detonation and/or fire. However, if the property has no such utilities, the demolition will be caused by increasingly improbable incidents.
Addendum 9461-1: Testing
Test 1 — Control Test
Subject: Minimally furbished commercial residence, same utilities typically found in a civilian home.
Interference point: 5 minutes and 21 seconds.
Results: SCP-9461-2 was suddenly engulfed in a tower of flames. The source of the fire was later identified as a faulty plug socket.
Test 2
Subject: Same as test 1, but with all electrical and gas systems removed.
Interference point: 8 minutes 59 seconds.
Results: SCP-9461-2 collapsed in on itself, apparently under its own weight. Subsequent investigation found previously unidentified rot in the wooden beams.
Test 5
Subject: English style cottage reinforced with steel beams and pillars.
Interference point: 9 minutes 28 seconds.
Results: A hobbyist pilot crashed into SCP-9461-2, damaging the structure beyond repair. The pilot survived with significant injuries, and was discharged to a civilian hospital after receiving first aid and amnestic treatment.
Test 8
Subject: A standard 2m x 1m wooden door, not attached to any frame.
Interference point: N/A
Results: Anomalous properties did not manifest.
Note: At least it has some limits. - Researcher Stone
Test 9
Subject: A 1m x 1m x 1m wooden cargo crate.
Interference point: N/A
Results: Same as prior test.
Note: It seems to be able to identify what does and does not typically qualify as a "building". Perhaps it has some low level sentience? - Researcher Stone
Test 12
Subject: Residential tower block, scheduled for demolition. Inert charges are placed as they would be in a standard demolition.
Interference point: 2 minutes 1 second.
Results: Charges detonate despite practically not being able to, building is destroyed in a manner typical of controlled demolitions.
Note: We obviously couldn't retrieve the charges to test the, but if it's anything like previous tests, the anomaly must have set some fluke in motion to lead us to believing they were inert when they weren't. This thing really is unseemingly powerful. - Researcher Stone
Test 18
Subject: A bunker buried 30m beneath the surface.
Interference point: 38 seconds.
Results: The roof of the bunker began to cave in, filling the interior with soil and debris. Excavation efforts found metal surfaces had began to rust at an atypically fast rate.
Test 29
Subject: An 8m x 8m x 8m hollow cube constructed of reinforced marble, with no entrances, 40km away from the nearest civilian settlement. Scranton Reality Anchors encircle the structure, armed guards are posted immediately outside, with another team covering the area from a 60m radius. Anti-aircraft turrets and motion detectors have been erected at random points in the area.
Interference point: 9 minutes 59 seconds.
Results: One on-site guard accidentally trips over one of the anchors, unintentionally deactivating it. Another guard discovered signs of a previously undiscovered pack of SCP-939 heading towards a cave 45m from the testing area. Testing was abandoned to focus on containment efforts. The motion detectors experienced simultaneous connection issues and could not report information to testing staff. The marble showed signs of cracking consistent with impurities, and on-site research staff reported that the structure collapsed after a "blur" collided with it.
Having proved the item's efficiency as an untraceable, 100% effective demolition tool, Researcher Michelle Stone was appointed head researcher of SCP-9461 and tasked with finding uses for the item in the field. Change to Thaumiel class pending Department of Containment review.
File: SCP-9461 Rev 2
SCP-9461 prior to theft.
Item #: SCP-9461
Object Class: Uncontained
Special Containment Procedures: All doors are to be removed from every Foundation facility. On-site Maintenance workers are to be screened for possession of SCP-9461.
Upon discovery of SCP-9461 in a Foundation site, all personnel are to be either evacuated off the premises or into the nearest bunker.
Description: SCP-9461 is a wooden door knob, similar to ones found in residential homes in much of Europe and North America. Its anomalous properties manifest when affixed to a door, wherein the property the door resides in (henceforth referred to as SCP-9461-2) will, within 10 minutes of SCP-9461 being affixed, be subject to summary demolition through various means. However, the door, door hinge, flooring, supports, and anything else that keeps the door SCP-9461 is affixed to standing will remain undamaged.
This typically occurs due to a previously unidentified fault in the property's gas line or electrical system, which causes detonation and/or fire. However, if the property has no such utilities, the demolition will be caused by increasingly improbable incidents.
Prior to its disappearance, SCP-9461 was a safe-class object planned to be used in Foundation field missions.
SCP-9461 was lost during a field test conducted by Researcher Michelle Stone. After the demolition of the SCP-9461-2 instance, SCP-9461 was intended to be retrieved to by put back into containment and the remains of the building discarded. Instead, a non-anomalous doorknob was taken from a similarly unscathed door by mistake, with the actual SCP-9461 object mistakenly sent to waste processing. Standard Foundation non-anomalous waste disposal operations have been halted indefinitely while recovery efforts are in place.
The following week, it was reported that a team of unknown scavengers had taken refuge from a Foundation waste containment facility.
Addendum 9461-1: Notice from Director Chavez
Perhaps some of you think these new precautions against SCP-9461 are too extreme. I won't name names, but I've had people complaining to me about the cost of such extensive, Foundation-wide renovations to our infrastructure.
Allow me to remind you of a little quote on the original file. The item is an untraceable, 100% effective demolition tool. Sure, the doorknob may not be some murder monster or force of nature, but it is, probably, the most dangerous unaccounted anomaly we're having to deal with at the moment.
If it is, in fact, in the hands of a hostile force, any one of our sites could simply vanish with no more than a few minutes notice. There doesn't even need to by anything in the building itself apart from a door. It can summon a myriad of unpredictable bullshit to carry out the demolition on its behalf, and we have absolutely no way of stopping it once a SCP-9461-2 instance is created.
So, no, these measures are not too far. We'll be starting with the highest priority sites like 19 first and work our way down, but remember, this thing can anywhere. Perhaps you're reading this on the toilet? Some double agent could screw it onto the bathroom door and you'd be fucked before you could wipe your ass.
So, yes, you will abide by these new guidelines. I promise you the person responsible will be reprimanded to the full extent those squares on the ethics committee will allow.
Disciplinary Hearing of Researcher Michelle Stone
In Attendance:
- Dr. Michelle Stone, Level 2 Researcher
- George Buckley, Ethics Committee Liaison
- Dir. Pjotr Chavez, Director of Site 30
- Dr. Miles Miller, Vice Chair, Department of Containment
- Dr. Les Bark, Level 3 Researcher, brought in as an impartial witness
<Begin Partial Log>
Dr. Miller: Do you have any idea how much this little doorknob has cost us so far?
Dr. Stone: I'd prefer not to know, frankly.
Dr. Miller: $30,000,000
Silence on the recording.
Dr. Stone: … Am I… Fired?
Dir. Chavez: Worse, if I can get my way.
Dr. Bark: Doesn't this all seem a little extreme? Mistakes happen. I know I've made plenty in my time.
Dr. Miller: I have men working round the clock crawling through garbage to find a knob the size of a baseball. We can't even use D-Class because of the risk they might use the anomaly themselves.
Dir. Chavez: Unless you can start crapping money, Les, this is adequately extreme.
Dr. Bark: I once worked in a pen with a cow that could do that.
Buckley: May the record show I oppose to Dr. Bark's appointment as impartial witness.
Dr. Miller: Noted. Dr. Miller, if this fiasco isn't resolved soon, you're looking at termination of employment and amnesticisation at minimum. If this gets on the desks of the O5's, I can't tell you what will happen.
Dr. Miller: Literally, I can't. Disciplinaries like that are almost always black boxed.
Buckley: Intimidating the defendant like that is entirely inappropriate. I will agree to disciplinary action against Dr. Stone as she has caused damage which she should have been more than able to prevent given her station. However, she also has the opportunity to help correct her mistakes.
Dir. Chavez: What do you mean?
Dr. Bark: You oppose me?
Buckley: We think we've got intel on where the doorknob went. We got a partial ID on one of the scavengers, he's an Are We Cool Yet "sculptor" looking to prove himself.
Dr. Miller: By stealing our trash?
Buckley: By stealing our anomalous trash. There's a studio the next county over, that's our best bet at finding this thing.
Buckley: The usual staff we'd have in charge of retrieving anomalies like this are pre-occupied with clean up. But Dr. Stone, the former head researcher on SCP-9461, is the perfect candidate for an infiltration for it. She puts her ass on the line going undercover in a low risk GoI, she gets a reduced sentence. Sound good?
Dr. Stone: W—Wait, I don't do field work like that! That sounds dangerous!
Dir. Chavez: Sounds good.
Dr. Miller: Don't worry, Michelle. I'll arrange for you to be armed with back up. It's not like you're going to an Insurgency compound, if anything this will be a nice day away from your desk.
Dr. Stone: I like my desk!
Field Log: Recovery of SCP-9461
Brief: Researcher Michelle Stone was sent undercover to an art studio operated by Are We Cool Yet in ███████, ██, United States. Her cover story was of a young, aspiring anart painter looking to join the collective.
As this was considered a low risk mission, standard retrieval resources were provided.
<Begin log>
Dr. Stone enters the studio, wearing a concealed mic and body camera. On-site security is minimal.
Dr. Stone approaches an artist working on a sculpture using resources that appear to be taken from scrap from a home renovation.
Dr. Stone: Hi, my name's Susie, I'm new to this whole anart stuff!
Dr. Stone extends a hand, the sculptor does not reciprocate.
Dr. Stone: So, this project looks neat. A commentary on domestic life?
Sculptor: Honey, if you want to survive in this world, do not refer to works of art as "neat".
Dr. Stone: Sorry, uh… It's… Inspired.
Sculptor: Hardly. This tripe was a challenge I set myself. Make something beautiful with something thrown out. An endeavour in pretention more than an attempt to make something worth while.
Dr. Stone: May I watch you work?
Sculptor: Every attention seeking creating adores a voyeur.
Dr. Stone does not reply.
Sculptor: That is a yes, honey.
Dr. Stone sits, positioning her camera towards the pile of refuge he's pulling from.
Sculptor: Do you know what makes an anartist an anartist?
Dr. Stone: … Using the anomalous as a medium?
Sculptor: That is step one, yes. But anart is more than just taking the Mona Lisa and giving it an infohazard that summons IBS in the viewer. It is a challenge to the normal, and a smug middle finger to the conventional artists. As well as those that try to keep those things the baseline of what humanity is aware of.
Sculptor: I told a little fib when I said this work was just me being pretentious. It's also me being stupid. I can't tell you where I got this stuff, but I got it somewhere dangerous. When I finish this erection, it will be a statement to those that wish to keep our work within closed doors, even the lowliest of fine art undergrads have the keys. Metaphorically.
The sculptor has progressed the piece to resemble a small, rudimentary house of abstract build; all features impractical save for the conventional door he's put in front.
Sculptor: But also literally! And yes, I am still workshopping this speech.
The sculptor holds SCP-9461 aloft.
Dr. Stone: Pretty doorknob. May I see it?
Sculptor: You may see it key-stoned into my latest act of rebellion!
Dr. Stone: Wait, are you going to—
The sculptor attaches SCP-9461 to the door of his work.
Still from Dr. Stone's body cam.
Dr. Stone is silent.
Sculptor: They key.
Dr. Stone: … I uh… I need to pee, I'll be right back.
Dr. Stone calmly walks towards the exist before sprinting outside when she's out of sight. She radios to control.
Dr. Stone: We got a dash 2. Send clean up and recovery, now.
<End log>
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Accessing latest version of SCP-9461 file
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SCP-9461.
Item #: SCP-9461
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-9461 is to be kept in a standard containment locker in Site 30 when not in use.
No fewer than two armed guards are to be stationed in SCP-9461's containment wing to prevent theft. Testing requires the approval of Site Director Pjotr Chavez.
Description: SCP-9461 is a wooden door knob, similar to ones found in residential homes in much of Europe and North America. Its anomalous properties manifest when affixed to a door, wherein the property the door resides in (henceforth referred to as SCP-9461-2) will, within 10 minutes of SCP-9461 being affixed, be subject to summary demolition through various means. However, the door, door hinge, flooring, supports, and anything else that keeps the door SCP-9461 is affixed to standing will remain undamaged.
This typically occurs due to a previously unidentified fault in the property's gas line or electrical system, which causes detonation and/or fire. However, if the property has no such utilities, the demolition will be caused by increasingly improbable incidents.
SCP-9461 was briefly stolen by GoI "Are We Cool Yet?", with the apparent intent of using it as part of an art display consisting entirely of refuse taken by the Foundation. The unidentified thief (PoI-9461) was apparently unaware of the objects' anomalous properties, and upon unintentionally creating an instance of SCP-9461-2, the studio they were operating from caught fire as the SCP-9461-2 within was destroyed upon two of its components sparking a flame due to harsh friction between them.
SCP-9461 was retrieved with the assistance of Researcher Michelle Stone, who while commended for her efforts, still faced disciplinary action of temporarily docked pay and reassignment due to previous conduct on the project.