Was it really worth it?
Item #: SCP-9883
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-9883 is contained within Office C-1013 at Site-███, formerly assigned to Dr. Daniel Koehl. Both the room's window and door are fitted with mesh screens scaled to SCP-9883. The window is to remain open at all times; this requirement is suspended when exterior temperatures fall below 15 °C, at which point the door is to remain open instead. During these periods, personnel are advised to check for written complaints regarding food scarcity. The ceiling of Office C-1013 has been coated with matte black paint to improve the legibility of such inscriptions.
The use of chemical pest-control agents harmful to arachnids is prohibited within Site-███.
ADMINISTRATIVE DIRECTIVE
Effective immediately, Dr. Daniel Koehl is prohibited from accessing Office C-1013.
Following Incident 9883.01, Dr. Koehl was determined to be emotionally compromised. He made repeated threats to terminate SCP-9883 and attempted to intimidate Site Security with an improvised weapon: right shoe.
This directive has been included here for operational clarity.
First observed word written by SCP-9883
Description: SCP-9883 is a specimen of Pholcus phalangioides exhibiting basic cognitive functions sufficient to comprehend rudimentary literacy and formulate simple concepts. This capacity has been expressed through the formation of silk letters (approximately 10 cm in height) constructed from repeated thread layering. The entity has been marked by a blue dot on its abdomen, distinguishing it from non-anomalous specimens on site.
SCP-9883 was first identified in Office C-1013 by Dr. Daniel Koehl, when he found the word “HELLO” inscribed along the ceiling's edge. Subsequent observation confirmed it as the source.
Current theory attributes the anomaly’s development to residual thaumaturgic radiation originating from experiments with ██████, conducted two floors below the office.
Addendum.01:
Containment Adjustment Log
Summary:
Over a 6-month period, Dr. Daniel Koehl submitted multiple requests to modify Office C-1013 in order to “optimize SCP-9883’s communicative potential.”
Below is an abridged record of relevant actions and outcomes.
Request: Repainting of ceiling in matte black to improve visibility of silk inscriptions.
Decision: Denied. Office C-1013 not recognized as containment environment.
Follow-up: Request to reclassify Office C-1013 as containment environment.
Decision: Approved.
Follow-up: Repainting of ceiling in matte black.
Decision: Approved. Work completed personally by Dr. Koehl after hours.
Follow-up: Reservation of standard mobile interview equipment.
Decision: Approved.
Results: Interview unsuccessful. SCP-9883 repeatedly layered “TOO LIGHT.”
Request: Reduction of light intensity within Office C-1013.
Decision: Approved. Pending submission of Form E-19.
Follow-up: (3) (re)submission(s) of Form E-19.
Decision: Approved. Estimated installation delay: 4–6 weeks.
Follow-up: Dr. Koehl was reminded the use of adhesive materials to obscure Site lighting systems is non-compliant, regardless of duration or intent.
Decision: Assigned mandatory refresher on Site fire safety standards.
Follow-up: Reservation of standard mobile interview equipment.
Decision: Approved. Only audio instruments.
Results: Interview unsuccessful. SCP-9883 refused to engage, citing “NO ENOUGH BUG.”
Request: Contacted Site Animal House directly for allocation of small-scale insect breeding unit to ensure consistent prey availability.
Decision: Denied. SCP-9883’s research priority does not warrant dedicated feeding infrastructure.
Follow-up: Contacted Mrs. Ana Wyss for informal guidance regarding fly-breeding equipment.
Decision: Approved. On the basis of personal discretion and prior acquaintance.
Follow-up: Disposal request for said equipment submitted the same week.
Decision: Approved.
Request: Verbal request to open window of Office C-1013 to increase air circulation and natural feeding opportunities.
Decision: Approved. Contingent on installation of a mesh screen preventing SCP-9883 containment breach.
Follow-up: Attending staff recommended consultation with Psychological Services.
Decision: Declined.
Follow-up: Package containing mesh screen intercepted at mailroom after being traced to unapproved vendor.
Decision: Returned to sender.
Follow-up: Custom apertured-mesh screen ordered from Facilities.
Decision: Denied. Custom alterations unsupported.
Follow-up: Dr. Koehl’s subsequent messages were redacted for language inconsistent with Foundation standards of professional conduct.
Addendum.02:
Incident 9883.01
Date: 08/09/2022
Summary: Personnel in the courtyard beneath Office C-1013 reported agitated shouting emanating from the office. Security was dispatched to the scene. Dr. Daniel Koehl was removed from the office and referred for psychological evaluation. The following Security footage was later reviewed.
VIDEO LOG
Date: 08/09/2022
Note: Dr. Daniel Koehl had repositioned the security camera in violation of Site regulations to provide an upward-facing view of the ceiling. SCP-9883’s silk inscriptions have been transcribed.
[BEGIN EXCERPT]
Dr. Koehl: “TOO COLD.” Too cold? You’ve got to be kidding me. I spend three months. Three months! Getting that mesh installed so you could have your precious window open and feed off natural insects, because God forbid a lady settles for farmed prey. Weeks of forms, risk assessments, containment waivers, and for what? So you can tell me you’re cold?
SCP-9883: FIX
Dr. Koehl: Fix. Oh, of course. Of course, fix. That’s what I do, isn’t it? You decide something’s wrong, and I fix it. What’s next? You'll want me to hunt down suitable bachelors for your eggs?
[SCP-9883 consumes the letters “C_LD”.]
SCP-9883: TOO LOUD
Dr. Koehl: “TOO LOUD,” she says. Now I'm too loud… [Laughs, voice cracking] You know what’s loud? The sound of my spine compressing as I crouch to make you a custom mesh out of fishing line because Facilities “doesn’t support custom apertures!” And it doesn’t stop there, no no no. Because Her Highness can’t stand standard site bulbs, so I had to do it all in near darkness, giving myself eyestrain every other day!
SCP-9883: MEAN
Dr. Koehl: I’m mean? You’re the most thankless, selfish, ungrateful arthropod I’ve ever met! Do you have any idea what admin’s been saying? Six months and not a single usable datum! Because every time I haul the interview equipment down here, you’re either too busy feeding, weaving, or thinking up some new demand for your personal butler!
[SCP-9883 retreats to its web.]
Dr. Koehl: Don’t you turn your abdomen on me! We’re finishing this conversation! You nitpick me all day, but the moment I point something out about you-
[SCP-9883 flings a silk-wrapped cocoon toward Dr. Koelh. It lands 2 cm off-center. An extended silence follows. Both SCP-9883 and Dr. Koehl remain motionless.]
Dr. Koehl: Did you just…
[Dr. Koelh reaches down, removes his right shoe, and raises it toward the ceiling.]
Dr. Koehl: Two can play at that game, 9883. And believe me, the odds are not in your favor anymore.
[Security personnel is heard knocking outside the office door.]
Security Officer: [Muffled] Dr. Koehl? Everything alright in there?
Dr. Koehl: Perfectly fine! Conducting an interview! Productive as ever!
Security Officer: [Muffled] Copy that, sir. We just had some noise complaints-
[Security enters the room, freezing mid-step.]
Security Officer: …Sir.
Dr. Koehl: What!
Security Officer: Sir, I’m gonna need you to put the shoe down.
Dr. Koehl: She started it! Check the ceiling! She’s mocking me! That little pest!
Security Officer: Alright, let’s-let’s take a breather outside the room, sir.
[Officers approach Dr. Koehl. He brandishes the shoe towards them.]
Dr. Koehl: No! You’ve got it backwards! She’s the anomaly, not me!
[There's a brief struggle between Security and Dr. Koehl. Security restrains Dr. Koehl and escorts him from the room.]
Dr. Koehl: I’ll put you in a jar! You here me? With the rest of your web-spinning colleagues, so you can enjoy baseline spider behavior! And if you make it through peer-review, I’ll take you to the pond, and feed you to the ducks! I’ll dangle you over the water by your own silk, like a little eight-legged teaba-
[Security and Dr. Koehl exit. The door remains slightly ajar. SCP-9883 descends on a silk thread, appearing to observe him being escorted down the corridor.]
[END EXCERPT]
Post-Incident Note: This exchange constitutes the most extensive display of communicative behavior ever recorded from SCP-9883, yielding the most significant data since its initial cataloguing. SCP-9883’s research priority has been accordingly upgraded.
Despite the progress achieved, Dr. Koehl will not be credited for these advancements due to conduct exhibited during the Incident. Administrative directive enacted. Disciplinary review ongoing. Estimated delay: 2–3 weeks.
SCP-9883